Wildflower
by the Last Flowerchild
Summary: Toki and Skwisgaar have been together since the day they met, but lately problems have been arising in their relationship. When Pickles is the only person Toki can turn to, will discover that he's given his heart to the wrong person? Pickles/Toki slash
1. Chapter 1

****WARNINGS****

**Slash, alcohol/drug usage, and profanity.  
****If you don't like, then don't waste your time reading it.**

****DISCLAIMER****

**Nope, don't own any characters whatsoever except Danby.  
****The idea for the plot was also mine.  
**_**Reviews are love.**_

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**Chapter 1, Part 1  
**_**Before The Beginning**_

Toki sat in his bed wide-eyed and terrified. _I tried so hard to be good, _he thought, biting his lip in an attempt to not to cry. He hugged himself, shut his eyes tight, and tried not to think of how had messed up today. It seemed as though he was messing up with his chores more and more, but he couldn't help it. Each time he made a mistake he was punished, and he hurt so badly that he couldn't eat or sleep—everything was too painful. Swallowing hurt, blinking hurt, breathing hurt. Today he had tried so hard, but he had messed up severely. His father would never let him forget it.

So he laid there perfectly still and barley breathing. From downstairs he could hear the echo of the door opening and closing again; his father was home. Toki began to sob quietly, trying to stifle out the sounds of his sorrow in his pillow. The footsteps were coming up the stairs now, slowly but surely. His whole body grew tense at the sound of his mother's yelling.

"It was a simple mistake, Aslaug! It was just a simple-"

"Anja, we are poor! We can't _afford _to let him make a damn mistake every day!"

Slowly Toki's door was being opened. His poor mother. Sometimes she tried so hard to calm his father's raging temper, but it never did any good. On occasion he'd even turned on her, although he'd only ever struck her in front of Toki once. After that Anja Wartooth had learned her place and shrank into the background. Tonight was different. Clearly Toki's father was very angry—terrifyingly angry. Toki did the only thing he could do; he put his hands over his eyes and began to pray. His bedroom door opened with a slow, ominous creaking. There was one more moment of silence before his father spoke.

"Toki, get up out of your bed now, please."

His pale eyes shot open. "F-Father? I-"

"Get up now."

"But father, I-"

"_Now."_

He rolled slowly over in his bed and turned to face his father. Aslaug loomed over his son, a dark look on his weathered face. Toki obeyed quickly, stumbling out of his bed and looking down at his bare feet. His bedroom door was wide open, and outside his mother watched with a scared expression. "Aslaug," she began. "Don't...please..."

"Leave us." was his cool response. She nodded and quickly hurried back down the stairs into the living room area, eager to continue her reading by the fireplace. Meanwhile Toki was left standing there, trembling and crying. His father glared down at him. "Why do you cry? I haven't hit you yet." the little, six-year-old boy said nothing. Aslaug asked harshly, "Are you scared of me, son?"

Toki nodded. "Y-Yes."

"Yes, _what?"_

He hurried to add, "Yes _sir, _yes sir, I'm scared."

"No you're not. Not yet." his father said, glancing at the door to the small room. "Go and be a good boy; close the door for me." Toki stumbled over to his bedroom door—his legs had turned to jelly by now—and slowly closed it, knowing that by doing it he was sealing his own fate. "Good," his father said. "Now turn around and face me."

He did as he was told, letting his brown hair fall into his face and cover the fear and sorrow that was shining in his eyes. Toki knew he had made a mistake, but did it really merit this kind of cruelty? "Are you sorry?" his father inquired coolly, oblivious to his son's tears.

"Y-Yes, father. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Will you do it again?"

Toki shook his head quickly. "N-No sir, I swear I'll do better."

"Toki?"

"Yes, daddy?"

"Why do you not look at me when you talk to me?"

"Because I know what you'll do."

"And what will I do?" his father asked, gently pressing a hand to his son's cheek. He almost seemed like he cared about Toki's well being, but the boy knew it was a trick.

Toki still didn't meet the man's gaze; he knew too well that doing so would mean receiving a blow, because his father never hit him when he wasn't looking at him. He always wanted to see Toki's eyes, always wanted to see the pain and the terror that filled them. For some reason that the little boy couldn't imagine, his father actually seemed to like punishing him.

"What will I do?" Aslaug demanded, his voice sounding much more severe. Toki jumped a little and let out a fearful squeak before he roared, "Answer me, or so help me God I'll give you a damn reason to cry!"

"You'll hurt me!"

"You think so? You think you know pain or hurt?" He said nothing, only stifled a sob. His father's hand curled into a fist as he growled angrily, "No, you know nothing, Toki. Let me teach you something, though. Let me teach you how very, very wrong it is to make a mistake."

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**Chapter 1, Part 2  
**_**New Issues**_

"Toki, you ammnest okay?" Skwisgaar whispered, gently pressing one of his callused hands to the other man's forehead. "You looks kind of sick."

His pale eyes flittered open. "Huh? Whats? Why you wakes me up?"

"Because you was talkings in your sleep again. I thought you were havings a bad dream." the Swede answered, pressing his body to the Norwegian's. "Ands I wanted something _else."_

Toki let out a tired groan and rolled over in the bed. "Nos, I already told you I don't feels like it tonight. Not again."

Skwisgaar frowned and rolled his eyes. "Fines, fines! Whatever, just don't you dares ask me why I'm fuckings strippers."

"You ams still doing that?" Toki asked, glaring over at him. "I thoughts I told you that if we were together, then-"

"Ja, well what can I do? You're never horny when I ams, so there. Whats the fucks ammnest I supposed to do? Jacks myself off?"

"You coulds just try not cheating on me." the Norwegian responded coldly, throwing the covers of Skwisgaar's bed off of him and groping around for his pants. "Where ams my clothes?"

The Swede arched a brow. "You're leavings? You never leaves after sex."

"I needs time to think."

"You nevers just _think," _he sneered in derision.

"Wells maybe I'll start tonight." Toki retorted, switching on the light.

Skwisgaar let out a hiss at the sudden brightness and ducked under the covers. He threw a pillow at the other man and yelled, "Turns it off! What the hell ammnest you doing?"

Toki said nothing as he slipped into his underwear. The Swede just watched him, peeking out occasionally from under his white covers. "You knows you wants to dos it with me again." he finally dared to say, trying his best to sound seductive.

"No, but I knows I wants you to stop cheating on me."

"You're still stuck on 'dat?"

"Ja, I ams!" Toki said as he pulled on his jeans and zipped them up. "I'm so tired of yous just thinkings that I'm like everyone else, treating me likes one of your stupid fan girls!"

"But you _ammnest _just like everyone else, littles Toki," Skwisgaar said, sitting up in his bed.

"Well you shouldn't think of me likes that."

"Whys not? You don't think you're a person?"

"It's nots that, it's just..." Toki's voice trailed off and he sighed; he thought for a moment before continuing. "Looks, I loves you. You ams not like everyone else to me, not likes anyone else in the world. I woulds _never _fuck anyone other thans you." and he looked up and gazed into the Swede's blue eyes. "Don'ts you feel like that about me?"

"Honestly?"

He nodded. "Ja, honestly."

Skwisgaar shook his head and said flatly, "Nopes. Yous ams good to fuck with, but I don't loves anyone. I guess I loves you, but nots like all that. I wouldn't gives my life for you or anything." he waited a moment for his words to sink in before boldly reaching forward and placing his hands on Toki's hips. With a single little bit of effort, he had the Norwegian on the bed again and was kissing him. "Comes on," he panted, "let's just dos it one more time tonight."

"Ams it always just one mores time for you?"

He laughed and nodded, kissing Toki on the lips as his fingers worked to unbuckle the Norwegian's belt. "You haves no idea."

And he just laid there for a moment, feeling the Swede's warm touch, before pulling away and pushing him back. "You knows something?" Toki asked coldly. "It must reallys be bad to be you, Skwisgaar."

"Whys do you mean?"

"Looks at you; you haves to fuck everything you sees. You must be horny _all the times."_

Skwisgaar nodded and tried to pull Toki back into his arms again. "Ja," he breathed, "I ams, so comes on and lets me fuck you."

"Whats about when you wants to fucks me again and I don't let you?"

There was a pause before he said, "Then I'll kicks you out and get someone else."

Toki sighed and pulled away from the Swede. "Fines." he muttered, removing his pants. "You wants to fucks me, then dos it. Make it quick, though."

"Fines, okay." Skwisgaar answered, watching the Norwegian's every move with hunger in his eyes. "Just hurrys up and gets naked."

"So you ams not going to kicks me out, right?" Toki asked, concern flashing in his eyes.

He thought for a moment then said, his voice a whisper of hot desire, "No, maybes not. I'll see how I feels in the morning, if I'm not bored with yous yet."

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**Chapter 1, Part 3  
**_**Defining Desperate**_

The next morning Pickles, Nathan, and Murderface all sat in the dining room in silence. When Skwisgaar and Toki came in they all focused on their individual plates of food, determined not to meet either one of the two men's gazes. This was an impossible task for Pickles, however, because Skwisgaar sat down right next to him and pulled Toki down into his lap.

"Comes and sit right _here."_

"Nos, Skwisgaar. I already tolds you that-"

The Swede narrowed his eyes at Toki and hissed in an undertone, "Don't you remember what I tolds you last night about not doings what I say?"

"You kicks me out?"

He shrugged and said loftily, "I ams staring to gets very bored with you ands your stupid questions."

Toki immediately complied to Skwisgaar's request and sat in his lap."You ams happy with me now?"

"Almost, but tries not to talk too much today and I may keeps you around."

"Nots talk? But whys-"

"Because after a while your voice ammnest give me a headache." he answered almost snappishly, drinking some of his coffee. Pickles had to try hard to keep his attention to his own plate, but Skwisgaar wouldn't let him. He glanced over at the drummer and asked offhandedly, "Sos how did you sleep, Pickle?"

"Good, I guess." he mumbled, stabbing at his eggs with his fork. "What 'bout you?"

"Me and Tokis didn't get much sleep at all." Everyone squirmed in discomfort at this answer, but Skwisgaar didn't notice. He was too busy running his slender fingers thru Toki's hair. "You should lets it get longer," he whispered to the guitarist. "Lets it grow out just a littles more. I likes it long."

"Okay, Skwisgaar, sure. Whatever you likes."

He gave Toki a demeaning little smile. "Ja, whatever I likes. Now you're learning."

Pickles tried hard not to laugh. Ever since Toki had started going out with Skwisgaar, things had been turned upside down in the Mordhaus. It was complete insanity, and the one suffering ht most was obviously Toki. Nobody understood why in the world he stayed with the Swede and chose to put up with his bullshit day after day. As a general rule, everyone tended to just minded their own business.

After breakfast Toki usually went back up to bed with Skwisgaar, but today was different. He stayed downstairs in the living room with the others, determined not to give into anymore sexual advances from the Swede. This inevitably lead to him storming out of the house in an attempt to find solitude. Before leaving he turned to Skwisgaar and shouted, "Fucks off for once! I already told you I'ms too tired, so why do you keeps pushing me?"

"Because _I'ms _not too tired!"

"But I ams!"

"Do you thinks I care?" he demanded, chasing after Toki. "Do you thinks I give fucks how you feel? If I dids, I would have asked you."

The Norwegian just walked away from him, ignoring the prying glances from the other band members. Once he had left, Skwisgaar went stomping up to his room. "Stupids idiot," he mumbled to himself as he went. "Thinks he can tells _me _when and when nots to be horny..."

Once they had both gone their separate ways, Nathan let out a loud, irritated groan and closed his eyes. "That's it! I can't take this fucking bullshit anymore! We've _got _to break them up!"

Murderface nodded and said in agreement, "Yeah, and I'm shick of sheeing them all over each other—it'sh grossh!"

Pickles just shrugged and stared blankly at the television screen. "I've seen grosser stuff from Skwisgaar. We all have."

"Why is Toki even staying with him?" Nathan wondered. "Skwisgaar's a total dick. Why doesn't he-"

"Dude, maybe we should just leave it alone," the drummer interrupted, stretching out lazily on the couch. " 'Cause we did agree 'dat we wouldn't get into the personal lives of other members of the band, right? Way back when he first gat together we agreed that, didn't we?"

Murderface frowned. "Well yeah, but thish ish different. I mean, thish ish like the rest of Toki'sh _life."_

The drummer gave him a doubtful half-smile. "Do you really think they'll be together that long?"

"If Toki won't break up with Skwisgaar and if Skwisgaar won't break up with Toki, then yeah, they could be." Nathan turned pale. "This could be bad."

"We're talking about the fate of the band, here." Murderface added, a deep frown on his face. "Thoshe two dildosh could ruin ush and make ush poor."

Pickles' eyes grew wide. "Wait, so you mean 'dat we would stap getting money?"

"Who wantsh to buy mushic from a couple of homosh?" he lisped, spit flying from between his lips. "And I'm not gonna shtick around and watch them fuck each other, sho-"

"Yeah, but that's not a problem because we could replace you." Nathan said, shrugging this last part off. "But that other stuff does sound pretty bad..."

"Yeah," Pickles said, sighing. "Pretty bad."

And in the back of his mind he began to think. Why was Toki with Skwisgaar? It was clear that the Swede put him thru bullshit daily, so why was he even trying? He almost seemed...

"Desperate." Pickles mumbled to himself.

Nathan glared over at him and asked in his deep, harsh voice, "What'd you say, dildo?"

"I...uh..." the drummer turned red as he shook his head. "Nothing. I didn't say nothing. Where'd Toki go again? I've gatta talk to him real quick."

"Outsi-"

"Yeah, thanks." and he hurried outside after the Norwegian, that one word still searing itself into his brain. _Desperate._

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****A/N****

**I wanted to wait and publish this one during Christmas break, but what can I say? I love waking up and reading reviews, especially on annoying Monday mornings. [^_^] Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of **_**Wildflower, **_**because there is much more to come. And a little F.Y.I—I will be including bits of original poetry in this story; I know that they're not that great, but bare with me. I wrote the little poems down while waiting in the car for my mom to go in to this place and buy some burgers, and I wanted to include them in this story. So besides all that good, grand shit**** remember that reviews are appreciated. **

**Special thanks to _Otherwise Known As. . ., Slegger0404, Panic, ANON, DownMoon, & Riri-kins _for reading and reviewing my stories. Thank you guys so much! **

**Peace & Love**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2, Part 1  
**_**Picking Wildflowers**_

There was something that nobody knew about Toki. He kept it a carefully hidden secret. Even if you watched him closely all day you'd never be able to know. He knew it was sort of a stupid, childish habit, but one that he couldn't get rid of. Sometimes when he was out in the overgrown, wild parts of the Mordhaus gardens he'd pick wildflowers. He had a sort of fascination with the weeds ever since he'd first came to America. Of course there were plenty of wildflowers in Norway, but the ones in this country were different. He liked them much more.

In Lillehammer, it was snowing quite often, so most of the flowers and foliage were leafless or covered in blankets of white. Sometimes in the summer they could grow again, but mostly they were too late in bloom before it was winter again. That was why after storming out of the house he proceeded to walk slowly over to his wild patch of overgrown grass—the only spot in the whole yard the Klokateers missed trimming.

He sat down amongst the tall grass and peered up at the fresh morning sky; it felt nice outside. It was the beginning of Spring and the weather was wonderful. Distractedly he plucked up a clover flower and played with it, gently running his fingers along the soft little petals. Just as his mind was beginning to drift there came the sound of shoes walking over grass. Toki looked around and was surprised to see Pickles making his way over to him.

"Pickle? What the hell ams you doing?"

"What am _I _doin'? What are _you _doin'?" the drummer asked as he plopped down on the ground next to him. "Why're you all the way over here? The grass is almost as tall as me!"

"Nos it ams not. You're just too short."

He grinned and glanced over at the guitarist. "Maybe I am. Anyways, what's up with you and Skwisgaar? You two gat in a fight last night or something?"

He immediately shook his head and lied unconvincingly, "Nos, we ams just as good as ever. I loves him."

Pickles shrugged and said nonchalantly, "Sure you do." and then became silent. He knew that Toki would tell him the rest when he was ready, and that was one of the reasons that the Norwegian really did love him dearly. Pickles never pushed him or treated him like he was a small child like everybody else. He actually felt like he was an actual adult when he was with the drummer.

"Wells," he finally said with a labored sigh, "He gots mad at me last night."

"Again?"

"Ja, because I didn't wants to...anyways, he gots mad and he...he..."

"What, Toki?" the drummer asked, his green eyes shining with worry. "What'd he tell you?"

"He saids he would break up with me, so I-"

"Why do you care so bad?" he interrupted. "I know you love him, but Gad; he puts you thru shit, you know 'dat?"

The Norwegian nodded. "Ja I knows, but you don't understands what me and him have been thru. He's always beens with me and he ams by best friend. He loves me."

"Y'think so, huh?"

Toki glanced over at him and asked quietly, "You don'ts thinks so?"

Pickles thought for a moment before answering carefully, "Look, we all love you—me, Nathan, Murderface, and Skwisgaar. We really do, like you're our little brother, but you've gotta realize that there's a difference between love and being _in _love."

"But I ams _in _loves with him, so why ams he not _in _loves with me back?"

"Because he's...I don't know." he said, trying hard not to hurt Toki's feelings. "Maybe he is, he just doesn't know how to show it. Some people are like that."

"Or maybes all he cares about is fuckings someone." the guitarist said, glaring down at the little flower he held in his hand. "I don't even know whys I put up with him."

"Why do you put up with him?" Pickles asked.

"I don'ts really know. All I know is that I haves to or I'll be sad."

"Why'll you be sad?"

" 'Cause I'll be alones."

The drummer frowned and shook his head. "No, 'dat's not true. You won't be alone. I mean, you can always talk to me and Nathan, right?"

Toki gave him a sweet little smile and stood up. "Ja, sures. Pickle, cans I ask you something?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Why you cares so much about me?"

Pickles got up and shrugged. "I dunno. You're like my friend or something, and Skwisgaar's been pissing me aff."

"But I ams still not going to break up with him." Toki said, his smile fading slightly. "I'lls never leave him, 'cause we were made for each other."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because," he said, staring up wistfully at the sky. "For a while we were the only things the other had. It was just us. Didn'ts I ever tell you how we mets? Don't you knows the story?"

Pickles shook his head. "Nah, you told me about 'dat. I only remember the time I met you."

"You wants to know?"

"Sure." he said, sitting back down. "Tell me."

And that was another reason why Toki loved Pickles so much—the drummer would listen to every word he said, no matter how ridiculous or serious. He listened to Toki's words as if they were the most important thing in the world. Yes, he really did love that.

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**Chapter 2, Part 2  
**_**Another Punishment**_

To understand how Toki came to meet Skwisgaar, you'd have to hear the Norwegian's story from the beginning. It really all started with a stranger and a guitar on a very cold, very brutal night in Lillehammer. Toki was alone. His parents had gone to church for a late night service. They had left their sixteen-year-old son to sit alone and shivering inside of the small little house.

He watched the fire in the fireplace licking and eating up the wood, praying that it wouldn't devour the logs too quickly so that he wouldn't have to go outside and fetch more. Outside of the windows a thick layer of snow was coating the ground, covering yesterday's winter white blanket. Toki sighed and closed his eyes, trying to forget about the cold for a moment, but just as he began to drift off to sleep there came a knock at the front door.

"Who is it?" he called, quite irritated at the interruption. A muffled voice came thru the door. Toki rolled his eyes and got up. He went over and opened the door, struggling hard to keep an annoyed look off his face. A man stood outside, his dark clothes greatly contrasting to the white of the snow. As soon as he saw Toki standing there in the open doorway, he pushed his way inside the house and took off his black jacket.

"Thanks so much. It's freezing out there."

"Yeah, I know," Toki said, closing the door. "It's Norway; it gets like this every night." and he glanced down at the snow the man had tracked in and sighed. He'd have to mop that up before his parents got home or he'd get punished. "Please, sir," he said, getting down on his knees and beginning to wipe up the mess with his blanket. "You can stay and warm up for a while if you need to, but my parents are out. They're-"

"Did I bring that snow in here?" the stranger asked. He went over, hauled Toki up, and mopping it up himself. "Sorry, kid. I didn't mean to-"

"Don't call me _kid. _I'm not a kid. I'm sixteen."

"Yeah," he smirked. "Right. Anyway, I'm sorry if I'm troubling you, but I've just come here from Oslo. My cousin lives here, and-"

"Yeah, that's fine. Just hurry up, please." Toki interrupted, casting a nervous glance out the window. His parents would be home any moment and if they saw this stranger in their house, they'd be furious. The man stood up and frowned.

"Something wrong, ki-"

"My name's Toki."

"Okay. Something wrong, _Toki?"_

"Yeah, my parents. They're-"

"You sure do seemed worried about them." the stranger commented, glancing over at the kitchen. "Would you mind sparing me something to eat? I'm starving."

"Yes, I would, actually. We can hardly afford our own food, so if you would please-"

"Tell you what," the man said, taking something off his back. Toki hadn't noticed it before, but the man had a black and white guitar slung over his shoulder; he walked up and handed it to the teenager. "If you give me some food, I'll give you my pride and joy."

He arched a brow and took the instrument. "If you love it so much then why would you just trade it away?"

"Priorities, kid, priorities." the man said, striding into the kitchen and digging thru the mostly empty cabinets. "You've got to have your priorities in line; if I don't have food, I can't really live, and if I can't live then I can't play the thing anyway. It's all about prioritizing, you see."

Toki went into the kitchen clutching the guitar and sat down on the counter. "Sure, I get it."

"You're a smart kid. I'm sure you can figure out how to play it, right?"

"I guess so."

The man nodded, dug some bread out of a cabinet, and slapped Toki on the shoulder. "Sure you can, Toki. Thanks for the food and warmth. I appreciate it." and he went back into the living room area, ate the bread, and put his jacket back on. "Good luck and goodnight, kid."

"Don't call me kid." Toki repeated, holding the guitar close. "I'm no kid."

"Sure you're not." the man walked out the door, gave him one last wave, and said, "Thanks again."

Once he had left Toki's parents came walking into the house. They both looked around with troubled looks on their faces. Aslaug glared at his son."Who was that coming down the driveway?"

"It was a man. He needed a little food, so I gave him so-"

His father slapped him sharply across his cheek, making him let out a hiss of pain and surprise. His mother just went over and sat down by the fireplace holding her head in her hands, praying that the beating would be a swift one tonight—last night when Toki had received his punishment he had let out a loud, chilling scream. It had made her so ill that she had been forced to step outside into the nipping wind and cry.

Aslaug just took his son by a handful of his long hair and hauled him up the stairs and to his room, neglecting to notice the guitar that the teenager was holding so securely. "Why did you let a stranger into my house?" he demanded, throwing his son into his room. Toki was crying now, trying not to completely lose himself. "Answer me!"

"I...I may have made a mistake..." His father hit him again, this time harder. Toki fell back against the wall with a hand pressed to his face. Color quickly rose to his cheeks and he was beginning to taste blood. Somehow thru it all he managed to sputter, "H-He was about to freeze! What did you want me to do, leave him outside to die?"

"Do not yell at me! Do not—what is this?" Aslaug questioned, reaching for Toki's guitar. His son flinched away and let him have it, desperate to get out of the situation with as few bruises as possible. His father observed it for a moment before throwing it to the ground and demanding, "What is it? Toki, answer me..." his voice was a deadly warning.

"I-It's a guitar, father. The man traded it to me for some food.

"You gave him _our _food for some stupid guitar? Do you even know how to play the damn thing?"

Toki shook his head and bit back a sob as he cried, "No, but I'll learn! I'll learn anything if it might give me any hope of getting out of here! I hate you and I hate this house! I hate how you always hit me and-"

"Toki, shut your mouth." his father cut in, glaring at his son hatefully. "Shut your mouth and listen; you are not a child anymore, so it's time I stopped treating you like one. It's clear to me that you've forgotten the lessons that I've thought you when you were young, which means that you will have to relearn all of them."

"No, father. I didn't forget, I swear!"

"Obviously your memory's poor if you think that shouting is acceptable in _my_ house." Aslaug said coldly. "Or if you think that letting strangers into _my _house is permissible. It isn't Toki, it isn't acceptable at all."

"But I-"

"Come, Toki. It's time to learn your lesson."

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**Chapter 2, Part 3  
**_**The Warning**_

"And what happened then?" Pickles asked, focusing intently on the Norwegian.

"Wells," Toki began. "After that I sorts of-"

"Tokis, what the fucks ammnest you doings out here?" Skwisgaar asked, coming over to them. He had a look of severe annoyance on his face as he climbed over the tall grasses. "I've been lookings for you everywhere! Next time you gos somewhere why don't you tells me?"

"I'm sorry, Skwisgaar." he said submissively, his pale eyes flitting down. "I forgots."

"What? You forgots that you was my boyfriends? Just how stupids are you?"

"I don'ts...maybe-"

"Gets up off your stupids ass and come inside with me. I told you that we haves a date today, didn't I?"

Toki's eyes shined with excitement as he jumped to his feet. Pickles watched him go over and hug the Swede tightly; Skwisgaar just patted him gently on the shoulder lightly and rolled his eyes. "Goods Toki; down. Comes on, get the fucks off of me."

"Hey, dude," the drummer said, feeling a bit of anger at the guitarist's harsh words. "Tone it down, 'kay? He's just happy to see you, 'dat's all. You don't have to-"

"You shuts up!" the Swede snapped before pushing Toki off of him. "Comes on, let's go inside and spends some _time _together."

The Norwegian's face gained a look of disappointment. "Do we haves to?"

He nodded and said curtly, "Ja, we dos. I'll pay for the stupids dinner-meal if you gives me somethings else."

Pickles felt color rising to his face. He shouldn't have to hear this! What was worse was that Toki shouldn't have to put up with this, but it was his life to do with—or waste—as he wished. The drummer knew he had no control over it and this was none of his business, so as he got to his feet and prepared to walk away, he just nudged Toki's shoulder and said quietly, "Dude, don't forget what I told you; you're never lonely, okay?"

"Ja, okays. Thanks for listening, Pickle."

"Sure. Can we finish that story later, do you think?"

Toki grinned. "You _wants _to hears me talk?"

Pickles cast a worried look over to Skwisgaar, who was glaring at him. "Yeah, sure. Any time you wanna talk you know where I am."

"Thanks."

"Yep." and he turned and walked away as coolly as he could manage. Toki watched him go, affection shining in his pale eyes. Skwisgaar noticed this and a deep frown came on his face; he seized the Norwegian's hand and held it tightly, as if trying to return Toki's attention back to him.

"Hey, dildos? You ammnest payings attention to me?"

"Oh yeah, Skwisgaar. We ams going to dos it, right?" he sighed tiredly and begged, "Buts coulds we please not? I really, really-"

"Sures, we don't haves to if you don't want." he said almost smugly. "I won'ts makes you fucks me no more if you don't talk to Pickle no more."

Toki's eyes grew wide. "Not talks to Pickle? But why not?"

"Because," the Swede said, letting some of his blond hair fall over his skinny shoulders. "I don'ts likes how you two are always togethers."

"But we ams just talking!"

"Too bads. I still don'ts likes it. Why don't you ever wants to talk to _me, _huh? I'm not goods enough for you or something?" Toki shook his head and went to give Skwisgaar a kiss, but the Swede backed away and glared at him. "Don'ts pull that shit with me. You knows what I said—if I ever sees you talking to him like that again, I swear I'll break up with yous."

Toki's eyes filled with fear as he shook his head. "No, please! I didn'ts mean...we weren'ts..."

"Then just don't talks to him again." Skwisgaar said, smiling brightly. "It ammnest simple. Now comes on, let's go inside."


	3. Punishment

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Punishment**_**)** **:: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Heart cold, frozen by snow  
Tears full of agony and woe  
Mind maddened by the lies  
Ears deafened by the cries_

_Raise your fist, hit me hard  
Show me how bad I've been  
Put me in a fight I'll never win_

_I don't know what to do or say  
I guess I deserved this anyway  
Still I can't bring myself to admit  
That I earned every pain I get_

_Open your mouth, tell me why  
Show me how bad I've been  
Let me pray this isn't a sin_


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3, Part 1  
**_**First Mistakes **_

A few days later _Dethklok _gathered in the recording studio to begin working on a new album. Everything was fine for a while—despite the unnatural awkwardness that Toki and Skwisgaar's new relationship brought—until the session was over. Once Nathan had reviewed most of the songs and deleted those he found inadequate, he said, "Okay, I guess that's it for today. I'll see you dildos tomorrow."

And he and Murderface made a hasty exit. Pickles had meant to leave with them—he had planned on getting fucked-out-of-his-mind drunk—but was held back as he tried to rerecord a drum solo that he had wrote. Toki sat in the studio with him, trying to be both encouraging and silent. Skwisgaar was, of course, close by, watching his boyfriend with a close eye.

"Tokis," he said, narrowing his eyes at the drummer. "you wants to comes up to the room with me now? I coulds wait down here with you a littles longer if you wants."

He shook his head and said, never breaking his gaze from Pickles, "Nos, I'm good. I'lls be up in a second."

"Fines." he spat the word out hatefully before snatching his guitar and storming out of the room. Toki barley noticed. He was too busy trying to tune his guitar, completely oblivious to the world outside his own. Pickles noticed this and immediately stopped his drumming. He put his sticks in his pocket and went over to Toki.

"Okay, so what about the rest of 'dat story?" he asked expectantly.

"Huh?" he looked up, frowning. "What storys?"

"Y'know, the one about how you and Skwisgaar."

"Oh yeahs! You still wants to hear that?"

He shrugged and sat down next to him. "Yeah, sure."

"Okays well...I..." Toki looked away and turned red. "I've never tolds anyone what it was likes before all of this. Not even Skwisgaar knows, so you can'ts tells him or nobody, okays?"

Pickles' smile faded slightly. "Gad, how bad was it for you back home?"

"Pretty bads," he admitted bitterly. "But afters I got my guitar everythings wasn't so bad. After I learnds how to play it, everything changed."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 3, Part 2  
**_**Snap**_

"Toki Wartooth, you open this damn door _now!" _Aslaug yelled as he pounded on his son's bedroom door. He grabbed the handle and twisted it madly, a look of rage on his face. "Unlock this door this instant!"

Toki sat barricaded inside his small room strumming at his unplugged guitar, a little smirk on his face. "Or you'll whats?" he called back. "Breaks the fuckings thing down?"

"Don't you dare use that kind of language in this house!" his father's voice said thru the thick wood of the door.

"What's will you do-o-o?" he challenged, singing out the last word as if it were a part of a little song. "You can'ts do nothing 'cause I'm not comings out!"

"Toki Wartooth..."

"Yes?"

"Open your door up or I swear to God, I'll-"

"You shouldn'ts swears to that guy!" he warned, laughing. "He already has enough to do other than breaking down doors."

Aslaug let out a yell of anger and Toki began cackling madly; he was seventeen years old now, and over the course of the past year he had changed a good deal. His parents clearly didn't have a firm grasp of this concept, though. It appeared as if all those years of harsh punishment and brutality had finally run their course. After a lifetime of hard work, Toki was now aware of just how much stronger he was than his aging father, and he'd come to terms with the fact that if need be—and it was certainly a real enough possibility—then he could beat his father in a fight.

Ruling by fear could only work for so long, and in the Wartooth household it was now an invisible way of governing.

That's why Toki felt only a minute flicker of fear as he listened to his mother and father fighting outside of his room. His mother was crying loudly, begging her husband to have some sense and stop before he got out of control; Toki wished that he could help the poor woman, but he couldn't. He couldn't be responsible for the fate of the world anymore, or even the fate of the household. What happened happened, and he was sick of staying up late worrying about what his father would do next. Screw it, none of it mattered.

"S-Son, please unlock your door! Your father's getting very mad, and-"

"Sorry mother, but I can't do that."

"Please!" she cried, pounding a withered fist against the door. "Please, dear Toki, please open the door!"

"No!" he insisted, shutting his eyes tightly against his mother's tortured cries; his fingers began plucking at his Gibson faster as he screamed, "Mom, I can't do it because you know what he'll do! He'll beat me and hurt me like before—no, fuck it! I'm not opening that stupid door!"

His mother gasped at his harsh language. "Toki, what happened to my sweet little boy? Where has he gone?"

This made him want so badly to get up and open that door, but he didn't. He couldn't. Instead of doing that, he fought off the urge by getting up and going over to where he hid his single amp. It was a small one, one that his friend who owned music store had given him, but it was just good enough. He plugged in his guitar and began playing a loud solo in an attempt to drown out his mother and his father's cries. It didn't work as well as he'd hoped.

"Toki!" his father howled. "Open up this door or I swear to God I'll...I'll..."

He stopped playing and barley dared to breath. He felt a sudden, smothering fear rising in his chest, heard his heart pounding deafeningly in his ears as he dared to ask, "Or you'll what, father?"

"I'll kill you."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 3, Part 3  
**_**Mistakes Made**_

Toki grew silent and looked down; he focused intently on his Gibson and closed his eyes. Pickles watched with a look of concern as he began whispering something in Norwegian under his breath. _Far, min far, lære meg å elske._ The drummer frowned at this and opened his mouth to say something, but just as he did Skwisgaar came barging into the studio, a deadly look on his face.

"Tokis, what the hell ammnest takings you so long? I've been waiting for what has to bes-"

"S'only been ten minutes or so, dude. Calm down." Pickles said coolly. The Swede glared at him.

"You'd better just shut the fucks up! And Toki, gets up _now." _he went over, seized Toki's guitar, and hauled him to his feet. Before the drummer really knew what was happening, they were both yelling in their native languages, creating an rambling mixture of foreign sounds and words. He began to get a headache._"__Jag sa ju att jag inte vill att du pratar ot honom! __Varför går du inte lyssnar aldrig på mig, din idiot!" _Skwisgaar yelled, taking a firm hold of the other man's wrist and pulling him towards the door.

_"Jeg kan snakke med hvem jeg vil! __Du kan ikke fortelle meg hva jeg skal gjøre!" _Toki cried, trying to pull away.

_"Dra inte skit med mig. __Du visste att jag gillade att ha kontroll när du först träffade mig, det är hela anledningen till att du älskar mig så mycket, eller hur? Eller du kanske inte älskar mig alls - kanske du hatar mig."_ The Swede responded coldly. Pickles swallowed nervously and glanced from one man to the other.

"Toki, what the hell's he sayin'?"

The Norwegian ignored him and instead responded to Skwisgaar, this time in English. "No, I do loves you!"

"Then don't you thinks that I know what ammnest best for you?"

Toki looked down and allowed himself to be lead over to the door by the Swede. Before he could actually leave, though, Pickles had gotten to his feet slowly. He walked over to Skwisgaar and said in an unsure voice, "Dude, if he don't wanna do something, then why're you making him do it? That dosen't sound like love to me."

Skwisgaar gave him an absolutley venomous look and his grip on Toki's wrist tightened. The Norwegian winced and tried again to pull away. "Please lets me go! You're holdings my hand too ti-"

"Shuts up!" the Swede demanded before turning back to the drummer. "Whats? Suddenly you think you can understands Swedish?"

He shook his head. "Well no, but-"

"Then how you knows what we was sayings, dildo?"

"I just-"

"Why don't you learns to minds your own business?"

Meanwhile Toki was trying to turn the Swede's attention away from Pickles by whispering, "He didn'ts do nothing wrong, I swear! We was just talkings and that was its! You can trust me, Skwisgaar! You havesto trust me! Let's just gos and I'll let you fucks me."

Skwisgaar threw him to the side roughly; his hands curled into a fists as he howled, "Shuts up! I don't needs you tellings me what to do, Toki! _I _tells you what to dos, don't you get that? It's always beens like that, and you knew when we first got together that it ammnest always goings to be like that! You ams _mine, _not anyone else's. You dos what _I _say and nothings whats I don't. Do you understands me?" he was scolding Toki almost as if he were a small child, but it still worked nonetheless.

The Norwegian nodded and said meekly, "Buts I loves you."

"Exactlys! This is what love ams!"

"No," Pickles said, feeling himself begin to tremble with anger. "No, 'dat ain't what love is, you fucking dildo. Love is-"

"Shuts up!" Skwisgaar warned, his blue eyes flashing dangerously. "What we dos ammnest none of your business!"

Toki just let out a little sniffle and wiped his tearing eyes. He felt humliated, so damn powerless, but if this was love then he guessed it was worth it. Love was something worth fighting for, wasn't it? If he and the Swede had to fight like this every once in a while it was okay, right? "P-Pickle, just lets it alone." he mumbled, trying very had not to cry. "It ams fine."

"No!" he insisted, taking a step nearer Skwisgaar. "It isn't just fine, Toki! Damn it, can't you see what he's doing to you? Everyone else can and I'm sick of sitting back and watching."

"Then hits me!" the Swede challenged, a smug smile on his flawless face. "I fuckings _dare _you; hits me."

Pickles shrank back and looked down at his shoes. No matter how much he might want to, he couldn't hit the guitarist. It would cost too much, so he just shook his head and pushed past the two, went to walk out the door. "Piss aff." was all he said.

As soon as he had said this, a loud, pained yell could be heard; Pickles turned and was surprised to see Toki sanding there, his pale eyes wide and overflowing with tears. His lip was bleeding and he was holding the side of his face, a look of shock on his face. Skwisgaar stood next to him, casting the drummer a sly smile. "S-Skwisgaar, you hits me." the Norwegian said numbly. "Why woulds you do tha-"

"The next times you don't listen to me, I'll punish you worse." still he stared at Pickles, knowing all to well how the drummer would react to this display.

Pickles did just as he anticipated; he went right up to Skwisgaar and punched him as hard as he could in the stomach. The Swede let out a pained grunt and doubled over to recieve the rest of the beating. Toki tried to stop the fight, but it was too late. Things were far too out of control for him to stop it now.

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 3, Part 4  
**_**Ultimatum**_

"W-Why woulds you hit me?" Toki asked, sitting cross-legged on Skwisgaar's bed.

The Swede laid next to him under the white covers, his eyes half closed and full of exhaustion. Pickles had definitely taught him a lesson; the skinny guitarist had barley been able to drag himself up to his room after the fight. He had managed to get in a few good hits, but Pickles had just been better. Thankfully Toki had been able to pull the furious drummer off of the beaten Swede. Nobody had rushed down to the studio; nobody had even heard anything. Skwisgaar was grateful for that. At least none of the other members of _Dethklok _would know about his humiliating loss.

"Tokis," he finally said, taking a deep, labored breath. "I hits you because you deserved it. You dids something bad and yous des-hiberately disobeyed mes. For thats you neededs to be punished."

"You didn'ts haves to _hit _me, though." he said quietly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice. "Didn'ts I ever tells you about my dad? What he used to dos to me?"

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. "I don'ts really care if you dads beat you untils you died. I ammnest tireds of hearing you talk now, so gos away or somethings."

"Buts I—I'm really, really sorry."

"That's fine, my Toki." he paused and glanced over at the other man before asking carefully, "You ams still _my _Tokis, aren't you?"

The Norwegian thought for a moment and nodded. "Ja, forevers I ams yours."

"Goods. Comes he-"

"Buts you gots to promise me that you'll never hits me again." Toki said, laying down next to the Swede. "You gots to swear that you'll never hurts me."

Skwisgaar tried hard not to laugh mockingly at this; he just reached over, pulled the Norwegian into his arms, and began unbuckling his belt. "Just comes on and dos what I say." Toki didn't move. The Swede let out an annoyed breath and hissed, "Dos what I say or I won't _haves _to hit you or hurts you again, you fuckings idiot."

"Oh. Okays." Toki got up and slipped out of his pants. Just before he got to his underwear, Skwisgaar reached up, pulled him back down, and embraced him again.

"Tokis?" he whispered gently. "You loves me?"

"Of course."

"Goods." Skwisgaar kissed him deeply, let his tongue travel deep into the other man's willing mouth. Once he was done he threw Toki off of him carelessly and let out a content sigh.

"Skwisgaar, whats-"

Before he could even speak, the Swede's fist had collided with the side of his face. Toki fell back onto the forgiving mattress, a hand pressed to his right eye. Skwisgaar just laughed and laid back on the bed, letting out a grunt of discomfort as he did so—he was still in pain from the beating Pickles had given him. The Norwegian, desperate to know what he had done wrong, contained his tears and crawled over to Skwisgaar, his head bowed.

"What ams I done now?"

"You fuckings idiot." he said, running a hand thru Toki's long, brown hair almost tenderly. "I wills hit you when I wants to. There ammnest not a thing you or Pickle or anyones else can dos about it, either. If you wants to bes with me—if you wants me to loves you—then you will takes it." he shut his eyes, carefully planted a kiss atop the Norwegian's head, and whispered in a faked affection, "This ams love. Isn't it everythings you ever wanted?"

Toki nodded and said, his voice shaking pathetically, "Y-Yeah, just likes I wanted."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

****A/N****

**First off, let me say that my typing program—OpenOffice-is acting weird whenever I cut & paste text from Googe translate. It does this thing where it dosen't do spell check and all that good, life-saving crap, so I had to do most of that shit by myself. Sorry if I missed some errors, but I did my best to correct the chapter. Anyways, other than that it's midterms in a couple of weeks, so that means that I'm stuck doing a fuckload of stupid homework and study guides in preparation for the Hell-week that is quickly approaching. At this point I sort of _have _to pass my midterms to have any hope of passing for the year, so yeah...I'll be focusing on that. Other than all that good crap, I hope you're enjoying the story so far, and don't worry—Skwisgaar will eventually get what he deserves. Reviews are welcome.**

**Peace & Love**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4, Part 1  
**_**The Benefits Of Lying**_

Ofdensen let his head rest on his hand and sighed—a sure sign of his diminishing patience. "Okay," he began in his serious, dull voice. "let me get something straight; according to Toki, you went up to Skwisgaar, totally unprovoked, and proceeded too-"

"Kicks hims ass." the Norwegian said, glancing almost nervously over to the bruised Swede.

A ways away Pickles sat with his arms crossed. He glared at the floor as Ofdensen continued asked, "Pickles, is this true?"

"Nah, of course it ain't. I had a good reason to kick his stupid ass."

"Which was?"

"He hi-"

"He ammnest lying." Skwisgaary promptly said. "He ams lying 'cause he doesn't wants to gets in trouble. I didn't dos _anything _at alls to deserve gettings hit. He just cames out of nowhere for no reasons at all and punched me in mys face."

"I did nat!"

He let out a pitiful little groan of pain and gripped his shoulder. "Oh Gods, I thinks I need a doctor..."

The drummer's eyes grew wide with desperation. He turned to Ofdensen and insisted, "I swear 'dat I didn't even hit him in his shoulder! He's bullshitting you!"

"But you_ did _hit him?"

"Well yeah, but that's because he hurt Toki."

Ofdensen frowned and shifted his attention to the almost cowering Norwegian. "Is this true?"

His pale eyes darted over to Pickles. The drummer scoffed. "Toki, tell him what he did to you! Don't lie about it!"

"Tokis, remember that I loves you." Skiwsgaar whispered in the Norwegian's ear. He took Toki's hand and kissed the palm. "I loves you so much that I'd never hurts you."

"No, you...you wouldn'ts."

"Then tells Ofdensen what happened sos Pickle can get what he deserves." the Swede gave the drummer a smug look and he kissed Toki on the lips. "Tells him for me."

"O-Okay, Skwisgaar. He—wells, Pickle may haves just gotten angry for no reasons and-" the words caught in his throat; he had to look away from Ofdensen's prying gaze as he lied. "-and hits him. That ams what happened."

"And did Skwisgaar hurt you?"

He shook his head and responded with a nearly inaudible, "Nos."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 4, Part 2  
**_**Reasons & Excuses **_

"Pickle, I-"

"Tokis, don'ts you dare talks to him!"

The Norwegian ignored him and hurried after Pickles down the hall, blurting out apologies. "I'm sorry, I didn'ts mean to! I reallys di-"

"Then why'd you do it?" the drummer roared, trying to hide the hurt that filled him. How could Toki lie about him like that? He'd only been trying to help him. "Why the fuck don't you just run back to Skwisgaar? Now that you've completely fucked up my life, why don't you go fuck up your own?"

"Ofdensens wasn't thats mad!"

"He said I can't even talk to you no more!"

"Wells maybe we coulds-"

"Toki! Get your sorry ass backs here _now!" _Skwisgaar yelled, pulling the Norwegian away from Pickles. "Remembers what I tolds you; if you talks to him, I'll leaves you. I swears I will. You don'ts needs to explain anything to hims, just comes with me up to mys room and you cans show to me just how sorry yous are."

"I'ms...sorry?" Toki wondered.

The Swede nodded and pulled him closer. He kissed him before whispering hotly, "Ja, you ammnest so fuckings sorry."

"For whats, again?"

"Not listenings to me the first times when I tells you to lie and get Pickle in trouble."

The guitarist's pale blue eyes slowly traveled over to the drummer. He pulled away from Skwisgaar and went up to Pickles, tried to give him a hug. "I'ms so sorry, I didn'ts means to get you in trouble."

"Then why the fuck did you lie? What'd you think, Ofdensen would just be happy that I beat the shit outta Skwisgaar for no damn reason? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I cares about you and I'm reallys, really-"

"Toki, this ammnest it. You're not listenings to me _again." _Skwisgaar chimed in, crossing his arms over his chest. "Now I'll gives you one more chance if you comes upstairs with mes."

Toki shook his head and hugged Pickles tightly, almost desperate not to lose him. "N-Nos, Skwisgaar."

The Swede's eyes narrowed; he reached for the Norwegian's hand, but the drummer pushed him back. "Dude, if he don't wanna fuckin' go with you, then piss aff. It's his choice."

Skwisgaar ignored him and said to Toki, "So whats? This ams it? You're scared of mes now?"

He once again shook his head and squeaked, "Nos, of course nots. I just wants to talks to my _friend."_

"Okays, then. That was my lasts try. Don't bothers coming up to my rooms again when you ams done." and Skwisgaar turned and walked away, knowing that the Norwegian would follow. He didn't. Instead Toki turned his attention to Pickles.

"I reallys am sorry."

"Whatever," he said, squirming out of the tight embrace. "Just leave me alone. I just wanna be by myself, okay?"

"Buts-"

"Just piss aff after him. You know you want to anyway."

"Nos," Toki said, frowning. "I don'ts. I wants you to knows why."

Pickles' green eyes shined with pity for the guitarist. "Why what?"

"Why me and Skwisgaar ams made for each other, how I knows he ams the only person for mes. Is that okays? Can I tells you?"

The drummer nodded. "Sure. I've been dying to hear 'dis anyway."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 4, Part 3  
**_**Lucky Save**_

_I'll kill you..._

The words echoed in Toki's brain as he trudged thru the thick blanket of snow that covered the ground. He was almost there, almost to the border. He was almost free of everything—his old life, his parents. If he could manage to get to Sweden, then everything could be okay. He could start again, maybe have a chance at being happy. As he walked he whistled, trying not to think of the horrors of his past or the biting cold. He hugged himself and shut his eyes tightly as he struggled thru the snow. Last night it had snowed so much that he'd been forced to climb a tree and try and rest on one if its broad branches; if he got buried in the snow he wouldn't have much time before-

"Ow! What the-" he cursed as he walked into something. Toki opened his eyes and was pushed away by a long, blond haired teenager. Much like himself, the other boy had blue eyes, though they were darker than Toki's own. The blond gave the trembling Norwegian a sneer.

_"Titta du kommer nästa gång, idiot!" _He said snappishly.

Toki frowned and asked in his native language, "_Hva sa du? Jeg kan ikke forstå deg."_

The blond frowned and a look of deep concentration came across his face. After a caregful moment of thought he said, with much effort, _"Su sier Swedish?"_

He arched a brow. _You say Swedish? _So the other boy was from Sweden? If he was, then perhaps it was a blessing—Norway and Sweden were close together, their languages similar in many ways. If he was Swedish, then maybe Toki would be able to understand him.

"No," he answered slowly in his native language. "only Norwegian."

The other boy's face fell. He said as best he could, "I only speak Swedish. Can you help me?"

Toki nodded. "Sure, but I have to hurry. It's about to snow again soon, and I want to cross the border before-"

"You crossing border?" the Swede asked in broken Norwegian.

Once again he nodded. "Yes, and I need help. Can you tell me where the nearest-"

"You don't cross the border, too late." the blond interrupted. Toki frowned.

"Why is it too late?"

"I...umm..." he struggled to think of how to say the words. Finally he came up with, "Wolves."

"There are wolves?"

He nodded and took out a folded map from his pocket. "Hunting at this time; no good. They'll kill you."

"Oh." Toki sighed. "Then what am I going to do? I have to get out of Norway by tomorrow, or..." his voice trailed off.

The other boy gave him a strange look."You're running away like me?"

"Yeah, I guess I am, only I don't know where to go. Where are you going to?"

"Anywhere that's not Sweden."

Toki grinned. "I'm _going _to Sweden. Are you going to-"

"Norway, to get away from my mom." the blond trembled and peered over his shoulder. "If she wakes up and finds I'm gone..."

"What's your name?" Toki asked, jamming his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. He was freezing and the sun was just beginning to go down. "I'm Toki Wartooth."

The other teenager almost seemed shy as he mumbled, "Skwisgaar Skwigelf."

"Huh. Okay. I guess we can help each other, then."

He arched a brow. "But we're going opposite ways. How can we-"

"You don't want to go to Norway, trust me." Toki said confidently.

"Oh really? Why not?" Skwisgaar asked. It was amazing how quickly he was picking up Norwegian. It wasn't that hard, though. He'd gone out with a few Norwegian girls before and picked up on their language. "I can take care of myself, thanks."

"No, you can't."

He narrowed his blue eyes at the Norwegian and insisted, _"Yes, _I can."

Toki still shook his head. "Nope, I bet you can't."

"Why don't you think so?" Skwisgaar inquired, crossing his arms over his thin chest. "What makes you so smart?"

"I know this place." he answered brightly. "For instance, I bet you don't have a clue what you're standing on."

The Swede scoffed and said knowingly, "Yes I do—ground."

He shook his head. "No, maybe in Sweden it's ground, but in Norway it's ice. Thick, frozen ice covered by last night's snow. Bet you can't tell, huh?"

Skwisgaar nervously glanced down at his shoes and shifted. "How do you know?"

"I've been exploring the woods my whole life. I know exactly what places freeze over and which ones don't. I can help you, just trust me." and he gave Skwisgaar a delighted smile. "You don't want to go to Norway; you wouldn't last a week."

"Yes I would! _You _wouldn't last in Sweden!" the blond said defensively. "I know when the wolves hunt and when they sleep, not you. You'd get eaten before you could even get to Siljan."

"Maybes I would be." he paused and looked down at his snow-covered boots; God, he was exhausted. Maybe if he went along with the Swede then he'd end up sleeping in someplace warm tonight. "Okay," he finally agreed. "I'll listen to you if you listen to me. You're not going to Norway."

"I'm not?"

"You're not." he repeated boldly. "You can't because I really do need your help. Please."

Skwisgaar laughed coldly and pushed past him, stomping fearlessly thru the snow, crunching over the ice. "Out of my way, stupid little Toki Wartooth. I don't need any Norwegian's help—all Norwegians are scum! I can find my own-"

"Wait, no! Don't!" Toki lunged forward and pushed him away; in an instant the ice below his feet was cracking and splintering. The Swede's eyes grew wide.

"Toki, I-" Before he could complete his thought, the Norwegian had fallen thru the thin ice. Skwisgaar cursed and pulled up his jacket sleeve; begrudgingly, he submerged his whole arm in the icy water fished Toki out of the frigid water. Once they had both regained their breath, he asked,"What the fuck just happened?"

"The...the ice," he panted, trembling violently in his soaked layers of clothes. "I-It wa-as thin. I t-tried to tell you, but-t-t you-"

"You're freezing." Skwisgaar said, a look of concern flashing across his face. He helped Toki to his feet and offered him his own jacket. "I guess we're going to be stuck together for a while, huh? I guess I'm stuck with you."

The shivering Norwegian just laughed.

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 4, Part 4  
**_**Simple Understanding**_

Once the story was over and Toki had grown silent, Pickles felt his sympathy for the guitarist growing. "So you saved his life?"

He nodded. "Ja, because I needed hims. I still needs him, don't you get it? And besides, if we weren't meants to be together, why would we have mets? Why would he have saved my life if he didn't cares about me?"

"Toki, look, I-"

"I've never tolds anyone any of that before." he said thoughtfully, smiling sweetly at the drummer. "I'm really, really glads you're here, Pickle. Thanks for listenings to me so much. I knows you don't care, but it ams good to have someone to talks to."

Pickles wanted to tell him how wrong he was about Skwisgaar, but elected not to. Instead he just nodded, accepted the hug Toki gave him, and muttered, "It's cool, dude. Just...I guess I just don't want you to give yourself to the wrong person, that's all."

"Pickle?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do yous care so much about me?"

He considered this question for a moment before admitting, " 'Cause I know it's totally dumb and un-brutal and all that shit, but I guess we really are, y'know, cool. We go back. Do you remember when we first met? I-"

"I remembers that you ams the only reason that I'm in _Dethklok _right now." Toki said, beaming. "Thanks for that."

"Hey, no problem. I knew we couldn't really get along without you. Hey, look, you'd better get back to Skwisgaar, huh?"

The Norwegian nodded and turned to leave. Before he did, he gave Pickles a friendly, grateful little peck on the cheek."Thanks sos much for being such a goods friend. Sees you later."

"Yeah," he said, watching him go down the hall. "Later."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 4, Part 5  
**_**The Breakup**_

Toki recoiled as Skwisgaar raised a fist. "You promised me you wouldn'ts dos it no more! You swore on your lifes!"

"Fucks it, Toki! You ammnest such a bitch!" the Swede howled, grabbing a handful of the other man's long, brown hair and throwing him onto the bed. "I saids that I wouldn't dos it anymore if you didn't _makes _me."

"Ams this because I talks to Pickle? 'Cause I-"

"I tolds you not to, but you do anyways! Don't you takes me seriously anymores?" Skwisgaar went over to him and once again made a move to hit him, but held himself back. Instead he just let out an annoyed breath and sat down on the bed next to Toki. He reached over and gently took the Norwegian's hand in his own. "I'm sorrys," he said, looking down. "It ammnest _my _faults, I guess. I'ms not being understanding enough. You shoulds be able to talks to Pickle if you wants. You should-"

"No, you're right." Toki said tirelessly. "It was my faults and I'm sorry. Please just don'ts get bored with me or leaves me. I don't thinks I could live if you dids that." he let the Swede kiss him on the cheek. "Please, I'll do anythings to keeps you touching me likes this."

"You just wants somebody to loves you so bad, don'ts you?" Toki said nothing, so Skwisgaar leaned in close to him and whispered, "And I dos. I loves you so damns much; ammnest we goings to make up like usual?"

He nodded and began to strip. "Ja, sures. Whatever makes you happys, I'll dos it."

"Good." Skwisgaar's sweet smile became one of pure mischievousness. "Then lets _makes up."_

Although Toki had promised himself he wouldn't, he did. In the end he lay in Skwisgaar's arms naked, sweating, and exhausted. The Swede reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the pack of cigarettes and the lighter that was there. He put the cigarette between his lips, lit it, and inhaled deeply.

"Toki," he finally said, letting out smoke thru his nostrils. "you bores me. Gets the fucks out of my bed, gets out of my room, and outs of my life. The more time I spends with you the more I starts to realize that I reallys just don't loves you. I've _never _loved you, sos just gets away from me." he threw Toki off of him and took the cigarette out of his mouth. The Norwegian laid there in the covers for another moment, his eyes filling with tears as his mind tried to process it all.

All he could do was sputter, "But Skwisgaar, I...I...what ams you—I dids everything you coulds have ever wanted..."

"And nows you bore me, so gets out. I don't owes any explanation to you. You don't deservean explanation. Oh, and by the ways, do you still loves me?"

Toki nodded and tried to kiss him; Skwisgaar pushed him away. "Of course I loves you! I loves you more than-"

The Swede's hand struck his cheek. Toki let out a cry and flinched back. Skwisgaar laughed wickedly and blew a breathful of smoke into the Norwegian's face. "You ammnest so damns pitiful! It makes me sick! Dids you really think that I woulds ever just falls in love with you? Toki, nobodys could ever loves you. You ammnest too sads and weak, like a starvings dog. The only reason that I even fucked you to begin with was because I was horny and I felts bad for you, but then you tells me that you love me and you lets me do so many things to yous...not even strippers lets me do the things yous lets me do to you, Toki. You ams so disgusting."

"Buts I...I'll do anything if yous would just-"

"Ja, I'm sures you would lets me fucks you to death if I saids that it woulds make me love you, but I don'ts care." Skwisgaar said hatefully, putting the cigarette back into his mouth. "Ends of story. Gets out. I hates you. Ands for the record, when we was makings up you was horribles; was you cryings?"

Toki said, trying not to let the anguish and humiliation show on his face, "Y-Yes, because you was hurtings me. I tolds you to stop, gos slower, but you didnt's listen. You never listen."

"Wells maybe you should learn to take it a littles better. You ams the bitch, after alls." and he grinned and exhaled some more smoke. "Just leaves me."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 4, Part 6  
**_**Slow Mending**_

Pickles opened his door to his room, praying that his breath didn't smell all that much like the vodka he'd just been drinking.. "Yeah, who's it?"

"P-Pickle..." He was surprised to see Toki standing outside his room. The guitarist was biting his lip, clearly trying hard to not cry. The drummer motioned for him to come inside, but just as the Norwegian went to take a step, he fell into Pickles' arms, sobbing and weeping loudly. "He...he..."

"Toki, are you okay? Please don't do 'dis, just tell me what's wrong." he leaned the guitarist inside of his room and closed the door. Once Toki was sitting comfortably on his bed, he tried to continue. "Look, just try and tell me what's wrong. Are you hurt or something?"

He nodded and said thickly, "Ja, hurt sos bad."

"What's wrong? Who hurt you?" of course he already knew. He patted Toki gently on his shoulder and asked quietly, "What'd Skwisgaar do?"

"He tolds me to get out. He saids that I was horribles and stupids and he...he..." he let his head fall into his hands and began sobbing. "Buts I loves him! What dids I do wrong, damns it? I gaves him _everything, _so why woulds he do this? Why woulds he makes me feel like this?" Pickles sat down next to him and remained silent until he was asked, "Haves you ever been in love befores?"

"Yeah." he admitted, thinking back. "I was once. It was way back before _Dethklok, _when I played in _Snakes 'N Barrels. _She was the first groupie I was ever with, and I told her 'dat I wanted to marry her and all that shit...Gad, I was dumb."

Toki looked over to him. "Whats happened to her? She lefts you?"

The drummer nodded and turned red. "Yeah, but not like Skwisgaar left you. She left me 'cause I was so fucking high all the time that I'd sometimes..." he hesitated before saying, "...hit her."

"You hits your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, I did." he looked away shamefully. "It's not something that I'm proud of, but-"

"You knows what? I loves someone before Skwisgaar." Toki smiled at the memory. "I loved hims so much."

The drummer arched a pierced brow. _"Him?"_

"Yeah, he was amazings. He was my best friends since I was a kid, the only person in the worlds that I could gos to after my dad...he was just reallys great."

"What do you mean 'was'?" Pickles inquired.

"He-" Toki's vote broke as he whispered painfully, "-left mes."

"Oh. Dude, I'm sorry. Just because he moved an doesn't mean that-"

"Nos, I mean he..." the Norwegian had to swallow down the hurt that was threatening to overpower him."...died."

"Oh."

"Cans I—well, do you wants to hear abouts him?"

"Sure." he said, smiling softly. "I'd love to hear about him."

Toki's eyes lit up with a certain childlike excitement. For a moment he forgot all of his anguish and problems. When he talked about _him, _he always began to feel oddly better, almost liberated. "He hads lived by me back in Lillehammer, and sometimes when my dads would punish me I'd go to his house. His parents were so nice; they'd lets me stay the night and gives me something to eat. His moms even called me her son." he chuckled thoughtfully. "Nobodys other than her ever calleds me that."

Pickles nodded like he understood, though in reality he had no clue about what that kind of love felt like. He'd never really been _in _love or been cared for by anybody, but he still pretended like he had. Sometimes pretending made reality hurt less. "That was nice of her. What happened to—well, _him?_ How'd he...y'know...if you wanna talk about it. If nat, then-"

"Nos, I do. I reallys do." Toki said, smiling a little. "He tolds me he loved me and wanteds to marry me and all thats stuff, like what you tolds your girlfriend. He saids that we was goings to run away together, and one night we dids. We ran into the woods, but my father found us the next morning hugging each other in the snows. It was so colds that we hads to stop. We might have mades it into Swede inf I hadn't been so fuckings tired. When my dad found us, he..." his voice faltered.

"What'd he do? Did he hurt you?"

The guitarist nodded and continued solemnly. "Ja, he dids. I shoulds have gone to the hospital I was hurts so bad, but I didn't. He told Danby's parents and suddenlys they hated me; soon everyone in Lillehammer knew what we hads done. His parents wents to move away and go to Sweden, but they didn't makes it."

Pickles frowned. "What happened to them?"

"They gots caught in a snowstorms and freeze to deaths." Toki said, looking away and wiping at his eyes. "And Danby said he woulds _never _leaves me, not for anythings. He saids that people who love each other never leaves each other, they ams always together..."

"I think that he would've stayed with you if he could." the drummer said, trying to bring the Norwegian some kind of empty comfort. "I bet he loved the hell out of you, things just didn't work out."

The guitarist's old, sad smile returned as he agreed. "I thinks he really did; I woulds have married him in a seconds, but...I wents to the funeral, you knows. It was a bigs deal in Lillehammer, and his aunts and uncles held a big church things and all thats stupid, formal crap. I wents to say goodbye to him, but his family all glared at me and stuff, like it was my faults or something."

"It wasn't, though." Pickles said.

"Maybes not," Toki muttered. "Buts I went and watched them bury him in the snows. I even puts some wildflowers on his grave. Everyone wore black. That ams mostly all I remember. I didn't wants to see _him _likes that, though. Nots dead. I just wanteds to remember..." his voice trailed off and he closed his eyes. "I remembers what flowers I puts, though. Nice ones from in the woods. He liked to go there after schools with me."

"Toki, are you gonna be oka-"

"I don't wants to thinks about it anymore." he said suddenly, opening his pale eyes. "I just wants to go to bed, be dead for a littles while."

Pickles nodded hastily and went to clear the empty bottles of booze off of his bed. "Okay, sure, whatever you want. Just—I dunno, be okay, alright? Don't cry no more. You don't need to cry."

Toki crawled under the covers and yawned. "I just wants to be alone. Ams that okay?"

"Sure." he said. "It's fine."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

****A/N****

**Obviously I'm not good at thinking up names or I would've mentioned the name of Toki's boyfriend more than once or twice. Yes, it was Danby, mostly because I had to Google 'Norwegian boy names and meanings' and that's what I thought sounded the best. It's hard finding names and crap. **

**Danby Glemt—First name meaning **_**settlement, **_**last name meaning **_**forgotten. **_**Like I said, I just picked the first name because it sounded cool & cute. For the last name I Google translated 'forgotten'. :P**

**Peace & Love**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5, Part 1  
**_**Norwegian Lullaby**_

Pickles left Toki to sleep off his humiliation and pain; he went downstairs and drank for a little while, tried to give the guitarist the privacy that he had requested, but by the time dinner came, he had reached his wit's end. Toki hadn't come downstairs—hadn't shown any sign of life—for the whole day. After dinner, Pickles fixed a plate of food and took it upstairs to his room. He had planned to bring it to the Norwegian, who was surely starving at that time, but when he got up there he realized that Toki wasn't in the room at all. In a panic the drummer ran downstairs and, not knowing where else to look, carried the plate of food outside.

"Toki?" he called, looking around the yard. "Where the fuck are you?"

"Overs here."

He followed the source of the voice past the treeline to where the grass became waist-high. Toki was sitting under a tree, an aged book lying open in his lap. Upon seeing Pickles standing there he grinned happily, as if he had no problems in the world, and patted the ground next to him. "You can sits down with me?"

"Sure." he said, completely surprised by the Norwegian's cheerful demeanor. "If you want me to."

"Ja, of course. I was just readings."

"I thought you were still sleeping upstairs; I brought you some food." Pickles said, putting the plate down in front of Toki. "You missed dinner."

"Thanks, Pickle." he said, taking a little bite of the herring that the drummer had brought him. "How you knows I likes this stuff?"

"Well, it was on Skwisgaar's plate, so..." he abruptly ended his sentence and looked away, feeling color rising to his face. "Sorry."

"It ams fine. I feels a little better now. You see?" he indicated the book in his lap. "Readings this always makes me better."

"What is it?" Pickles asked, turning one of the cracked, yellowed pages. Toki's hand shot out to stop him, but it was too late; as the page turned, a dried, pressed flower came into view. The Norwegian bit his lip in embarrassment and tried to close the book, but Pickles stopped him. "No, wait! What was that?"

"It may haves been a-"

He flipped open to another page and marveled at the pressed flowers that were there. "Dude, this is actually kind of..."

"I knows," he said, ashamed. "Un-brutal and gays, right?"

Pickles shook his head and fingered the dried petals. "Nah, my girlfriend used to do this with practically _everything—_stupid clovers, daises. Even leaves. I think it's kinda...I dunno, cool I guess. I mean, it's like keeping a corpse or something in your closet or whatever. It's really brutal when you think about it." of course he knew that he was just saying whatever bullshit sounded good, but Toki believed it and calmed down enough to let Pickles try and read some of the words.

Immediately a look of confusion came upon his face and he arched a brow. "What the fuck kinda language is this in? Chinese?"

Toki laughed and shook his head. "Nos, it ams in Norwegian. It's a book of lullabies and stuffs that my mom used to reads to me when I was reallys, really small. It calms me down and stuffs. There ams a rhyme for pretty much everything."

"Oh." he flipped the page. "Could you read me one?"

The guitarist smiled in embarassment. "You wants to hear me reads? Really?"

"Sure," Pickles said. "why not?"

"Okay, I guess I coulds."

"Cool." he passed Toki the book and pointed to one. "What about that one? Can you read it for me in English?"

"Sures." and he began:

_Take me with you  
To our place  
I was made for you  
Made to put a smile on your face_

Stjernehimmel natt, god natt  
Fylt med månens glede  
Silver stjerner og fløyel himmel  
Sovende barn i rug

_Give me peace  
Let me rest  
And goodnight my lover  
Goodnight my emerald-eyed angel  
Sing me a Norwegian lullaby_

Stjernehimmel natt, god natt  
Fylt med månens glede  
Silver stjerner og fløyel himmel  
Sovende barn i rug

_Give me a place to cry  
Give me a quiet place to lie  
Give me a Norwegian lullaby_

When he was done he closed the book and turned back to the drummer. "Whats do you think?"

"Depends," he said, scratching distractedly at his chin. "What does that part mean, the one that you read in Norwegian? I didn't get it."

And Toki said:

_Starry night, good night_

_Filled with the moon's delight  
Silver stars and velvet sky  
Sleeping children in the rye_

"Oh," Pickles said with a little bit of amazement in his voice. "That's really nice. I like it." then he glanced back down at the book and fingered the ancient cover. "D'you think that you could teach me to read like that? It sounds so cool."

Toki nodded and said kindly, "Ja, of course I coulds teach you."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Nope, nots at all."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 5, Part 2  
**_**Anywhere Else**_

Toki and Pickles stayed outside until there was no more light left to ready by. Only then did they grab the book and head inside. Before going to bed, however, the guitarist turned to Pickles and asked, "Do I haves to sleep alone tonight?"

"Well yeah. I mean, where else are you gonna go?"

"Can'ts I just stay with you?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No, dude. Sorry, but we've got more recording to do tomorrow, and you know if you stay with me you'll never quit talking."

Toki blushed. "Sos what? Please don't makes me go to bed. I'm not even tired yet."

He glanced down the hall that lead to their rooms and frowned. "Dude, I don't-"

"I'll be good, I promise."

He sighed and gave in. "Okay, fine. Bring the book, though. I might want to read it some more."

And as they made their way down the hall, Toki began whistling softly; when Pickles opened his door and lead him inside, he jumped on the bed and closed his eyes. "Thanks for helping me gets my mind off it, Pickle."

"Off what?"

"Don'ts act stupid. I know the only reason that you ams being so nice to me is because you don't wants me to think about Skwisg-"

"No, I just like you, dude." he said, opening himself a bottle of vodka. "And I hate Skwisgaar for what he did to you, 'cause it wasn't right. Next time he even looks at me, I'll fuck him up so bad..."

Toki snickered and said drowsily, "You sounds just like he used to sounds before he-" and he cleared his throat and said gravely, "-wents away."

"Like who? Skwisgaar?"

"Nos, Danby. He always saids he wanted to kill my parents for hurtings me so much. I guess they deserved it, but—nos, they didn't. They didn't deserve to suffer for my mistakes." and he covered his eyes with his hands and yawned. "I'ms tired."

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sures."

"Maybe if we go play a show in Norway, would you mind if I went and visited him with you? Y'know, to his gra-"

"Sures, if you really cares abouts it, but I knows you don't."

Pickles went over and sat down on the bed next to him. He took a drink from his bottle before asking, "Why do you keep sayin' crap like 'dat?"

Toki uncovered his pale eyes and looked up at him. "Because I knows that nobody cares abouts me. It ams okay, but I just wish that you wouldn't lies about it so much."

"I'm nat lying!"

"Then why didn'ts you stops me from falling in love with him, damn it?" he cried suddenly, rolling over and facing the wall. "Maybes if there had been someones to tell me nots to love stupids Skwisgaar, then..." Pickles felt his heart growing heavy with guilt as he placed a hand on Toki's shoulder.

"Look, I'm really sorry that he...just please let me talk to you." he said, trying to coax him back into his happy, carefree self. "I can make it better, I swear."

"Nos you can't. Only one person coulds makes me better and he ams dead now, then Skwisgaar came along after I didn't haves anything left to lives for and said we belongs together...I don't understands it. Why can't I just gets a break? Why can't someone loves me and _stay?"_

Pickles hesitated before whispering, "Toki, look, I'm here right now. If you wanna talk, then that's fine. If not, then-"

"Do you remembers the first time you ever saws me?"

He nodded. "Of course I do."

"Tells me abouts it, please. Takes me back to someplace else."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 5, Part 3  
**_**Dumb Luck**_

Skwisgaar and Toki stood outside of a music store yelling at each other in Swedish and Norwegian. Finally Skwigaar broke down and said, "Looks, fine! If you thinks you knows more about America than I do, then-"

"But that ams just the problem—neither of us knows anything abouts this place!"

It had been a few years, but now Toki—seventeen years old-and Skwisgaar—nineteen years old-had managed to raise enough money by playing guitar to get a one-way ticket to America. Not knowing where they'd end up—the ticket was going to bring them to some place called Los Angeles—they had taken a complete shot in the dark. It didn't seem to be paying off, however. The two were completely out of money, food, and had no place to stay.

As they stood outside in the heat arguing, a wild, orange-haired teenager pushed past them, his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his white jeans. "Hey, dildos, move outta the middle of the street. Other people are tryin' to walk."

Skwisgaar turned to him and spat, "Heys, jackass, fucks off! We got more important problems than just standings in the street!"

"Skwisgaar, don't!" Toki warned, tugging at his friend's sleeve. "Don't starts trouble, please!"

"Whys not? He ammnest the one who-"

"Hey, hold up for a sec." the boy said, going up to Toki. "What did he just say? I can't understand him. Where the fuck are you guys from?"

"I ams from Norway and he ams from-"

"Tokis, you idiot, don't tells him where you ammnest from! They'll send us back!"

The Norwegian's face became alarmed. "Cans they do that?"

"Do what?" the redhead asked.

Toki turned to him and asked desperately, "Cans they send us back to Norway and Sweden?"

He nodded. "Course, if you're illegal." and he paused and a small smile came across his face. "Wait a sec, you guys _are _illegal, aren't you? Wow, all the way from—why'd you guys come here? D'you need help or money or something?"

"Ja, we reallys need help." Toki answered in his broken English. "Please, cans you tell us how we coulds gets money? We plays guitar, and-"

"Join a band. Chicks love foreign guys."

Skwisgaar perked up at this. "They dos?"

"Fuck yeah, they'll be all over you." he said, running a hand thru his wildly spiked hair. "And if you guys can really play guitar, then Gad—you won't be able t'get rid of them. I should know. I play for my band."

Toki's eyes lit up with wonderment. "You ams in band?"

He nodded and said proudly, "Hell yes, _Snakes 'N Barrels. _We're about to land a record deal, too. We're-"

"What ams your name again?"

"Pickles."

The Norwegian laughed. "That ams a stupid name."

He blushed a little. "Fine,then what's yours? Bet it's nat any better."

Skwisgaar stifled a laugh and muttered, "What ams wrong with his voice? He don't knows how to talk or somethings?"

"I'm from Wisconsin, dildo." he snapped.

"Wells I am Toki." the Norwegian said. "And this ams Skwisgaar. We-"

"We needs money 'cause we ams poor and I ams hungry." the Swede interrupted. Pickles rolled his blazingly green eyes and scoffed.

"Yeah, and so does everybody else in this shitty town. I wish I could give you some, but I can't. Sorry. Hey, look, it's been great talkin' with you two, but I gatta go. My band's gat this gig at-"

"Wait! Where ams a place where we can sleep?"

Pickles frowned. "You ain't got no place to sleep?"

Toki shook his head. "Nos."

"Gad, you two sure didn't plan anything out, huh?"

"No, we just hads to get away."

An almost sympathetic look came over Pickles' face as he surveyed the malnourished, exhausted teenagers. He himself had been like that a few months ago before his band's fame. Finally he said, "I guess you guys could stay with me and Tony tonight—he smokes a lot, though. We both do. That ain't a problem, is it?"

Skwisgaar opened his mouth to say no, that they didn't accept charity, but Toki eagerly nodded and let out a grateful, "Thanks so much! You ams saved my life!"

"Sure," he said awkwardly. "Whatever, I guess."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 5, Part 4  
**_**Liar**_

"And that was its, right?"

Pickles nodded. "Yep, I guess it was. How long after 'dat did you guys stay before Skwisgaar moved out? Two weeks?"

Toki grinned. "Ja, abouts that. Then we wents on and were poor and _Dethklok _cames along looking for guitarists..." and he frowned. "Buts I remember something else. Skwisgaar was in the bands before me; we wents in and tried to gets in together, but when Ofdensen saids that there was only room for ones of us, he took the spot. He saids that we'd do it together, though...after alls we been thru we was supposed to become famous together..."

The drummer stared down at him sadly. "But we still signed you an after the old rhythm guitarist walked out on us. I made Ofdensen take you. Remember?"

"That parts I remember. I was just gettings ready to give up and go back to Norway when you founds me." and his pale eyes met Pickels' green ones. "Thanks for that."

He shrugged modestly. "Ain't no big deal. It was meant to happen, I knew 'dat. By the end of everything, I think that Ofdensen knew that too."

"Buts _you _dids save me. Skwisgaar coulds have come and found me, but you dids."

"Yeah, I guess I did." Pickles said, taking another drink of vodka. "Anyway, like I said, it's no big deal."

Toki stared at him with nothing but affection in his eyes and said, "Thanks for tellings me that story, Pickle."

"Sure."

"Goodsnight."

"Yep, 'night." he got up and went to open another bottle of booze, but Toki caught him and held him back.

"Waits, could I—well, maybe coulds I give you a hug?"

He nodded and put down the now empty vodka bottle. "Sure." Toki hugged him tightly, as if he were afraid that if he let go he'd lose the drummer forever. "Hey," Pickles whispered, "you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna go nowhere, okay? Just go to sleep."

"You promise?"

"Yeah."

"You wouldn'ts lie to me, would you?" he asked, his voice a timid whisper. " 'Cause everyone else lies to me."

Pickles ended the hug and gave Toki a sincere smile. "Dude, I'd never lie to you. _Ever."_

"Goodnights."

"Yeah, sleep good."

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****A/N****

**Yes, I am very bored today, so I'll keep updating until my mom kicks me off the computer, which probably won't be soon because the Saints just won a game. [Who Dat?] Sorry, I'm a Louisiana girl. Anyways, hope you're enjoying the story.**

**Peace & Love**


	7. Norwegian Lullabies

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Sing To Me**_**) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Take me with you  
To our place  
I was made for you  
Made to put a smile on your face_

_Stjernehimmel natt, god natt  
Fylt med månens glede  
Silver stjerner og fløyel himmel  
Sovende barn i rug_

_Give me peace  
Let me rest  
And goodnight my lover  
Goodnight my emerald-eyed angel  
Sing me a Norwegian lullaby_

_Stjernehimmel natt, god natt  
Fylt med månens glede  
Silver stjerner og fløyel himmel  
Sovende barn i rug_

_Give me a place to cry  
Give me a quiet place to lie  
Give me a Norwegian lullaby_

**(_Translation_)**

Starry night, good night  
Filled with the moon's delight  
Silver stars and velvet sky  
Sleeping children in the rye

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Say Goodnight**_**) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Say goodnight  
Say a prayer  
Fairwell sunlight  
Goodnight, goodnight_

_Endless dreams  
Fantastic schemes  
Night's cool embrace  
The full moon's shining face_

_Sing me a sweet song  
We'll listen to the stars sing along  
Dance with me in their silver light  
And say, please say goodnight_

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Sweet Sublime**_**) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Sweet sublime  
Coulds of honey so devine  
Melting into time  
World of dreams that is mine_

_Sublime so sweet  
Rivers of pearls so white  
Melting into the sun's delight  
Word of dreams beneath my feet_

_Sweet sublime  
Fall into a mellow sleep  
Midnight prayers to keep  
Sweet sublime melt away  
Come again at the end of the day_

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Moon's Sweet Touch**_**) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Awaken my sleeping eyes  
With the sun's perfect sunrise  
Give me the darkest night  
And I will dance with delight  
O, hold me 'till the morning light_

_Purple night, golden day  
There's no sleep to be found either way  
Not until you hold me close and swear  
That you won't wander off anywhere  
Give me a reason why you should go  
Leave me now and never know  
The moon's sweet touch  
Nor the sun's warm kiss  
Please come and lay with me  
So that you will know and see  
That silver rhyme  
And that golden reason_

_Awaken my sleeping eyes  
With the sun's perfect sunrise  
Give me the darkest night  
And I will dance with delight  
O, hold me 'till the morning light_


	8. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6, Part 1  
**_**The Promise That Never Was**_

Run out into the snow. Hide in your own prayers. Try to escape what's coming. No, there's no safety, only misery. No matter how much you try you'll always end up being punished...

_No matter how much I try..._

Toki shut his eyes tightly against the freezing wind. He was hiding behind the stump of a long dead tree, hugging himself against the snow that stung and chilled his skin. He cursed under his breath, tried to keep calm, but he knew what was coming. He knew that he'd ultimately be found right here either dead or alive, crouching in the snow like a half-beaten animal. He was pitiful, so fucking worthless, so deserving of the punishment he was about to get.

And for what? What had he said to infuriate his father this time? Oh yes, he knew. He'd somehow worked up the courage to ask what gave his dear father the right to pass judgment on him. What gave him the right to raise a fist and strike? As he thought about this, it came to him, echoing thru the gray twilight—shoes crunching over snow. For Toki it was the most frightful sound in the world, the sound that made him have to bite his lip so hard that it bled. Still he waited and cowered until he felt the cold shadow of his father cast itself over him.

"Toki," he said in his cold, loveless voice. "rise up. Face me." He didn't move; Aslaug just let out a long, cruel cackle of laughter before hauling his son to his feet himself. "So now you regret your words?"

He nodded quickly and said with much more courage than he imagined he ever could have, "Yes sir, I'm sorry."

"But that isn't good enough, is it?"

Slowly he shook his head; he stared at his father with wide, pale eyes full of self-loathing and agony. "No, I don't guess it is. It's never good enough, is it, daddy?"

"No, son." Aslaug said after a moment. "It isn't. _You _are never good enough. You are—what's this?" he pressed a finger to Toki's lips and roughly wiped away the blood that was beading there; a look of disgust came across his face. "You make yourself bleed? What lesson is there in that besides cowardice?"

"I...I don't know, father." he admitted. "No lesson, I suppose."

"So it's useless for you to hurt yourself?"

Toki took a long moment to think about this and finally shook his head. "No, I hurt myself a lot, actually." He admitted this because he knew that his father had known—that he had been knowing—for a long time, and if he lied then the consequences would be unbearable. And so with a firm and oddly dignified voice he said, "Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it makes me forget about this, about you and all you do to me."

"And what is this that I do to you?" he questioned, his hands curling into withered fists. Every aged and crooked bone in his hands stood out when he made a fist, every callus and vein was more pronounced. It disgusted Toki. It disgusted him almost to the point that it he was almost ill.

"You make me feel dead sometimes—_worse _than dead, father. Sometimes you make me think about doing something very, very bad."

Aslaug gave his son a small, joyless smile and asked, although he already knew the answer, "What is that, my Toki?"

"Kill myself."

"Hmm." he said after a slight pause. "That won't do; first you insult me in my own house—question my methods of parenting—and now you tell me that you want to kill yourself? This won't do at all, Toki. I won't have that kind of bad, ungodly thinking in my household. And what of Danby?" he asked, sensing his son's growing worry. At the mention of his love's name, Toki's whole body became tense. Aslaug's smile grew into a smug, knowing, and wicked grin. He'd found the weak spot. In a moment he was harping on it, trying so very badly to get some kind of reaction from his son. "You know what this is about, don't you? It's about him, isn't it? It's always been about him, that queer little boy that moved here from Oslo, isn't that right? He's the one who told you to speak out against me today, isn't he?"

"He told me to stand up for myself." Toki said brazenly, trying to summon up every spare ounce of bravery he had. "He told me that I shou-"

"He told you to kill yourself?"

"No." he said, shaking his head. He was trembling now from head to foot, desperately trying to keep what little warmth he had left. His father loomed above him motionless, his black cloak billowing in the harsh Norwegian wind. Finally Toki found the strength to say, "No, Danby doesn't want that; he's the only thing keeping me alive. He's the only reason I bother to live at all."

A look of pure, vile hatred came across Aslaug's face as he lashed out at Toki and threw him onto the ground. "You are an abomination, Toki Wartooth! I can not even stand to look at you! Loving other boys is _sick! _You're sick, do you know that?" when his son said nothing, he hit him again and again until he was sobbing. "Answer me!"

"Y-yes daddy, I know!" he managed to sputter thru a thick mouthful of blood. "I know I'm bad, okay? I know I'm disgusting and horrible! I know I should be dead!"

Aslaug didn't stop; he brought down his fist again and again, until Toki was coughing up blood and chocking, completely unable to catch his breath. Only then, once his hand was swelling and his knuckles bleeding, did he stop and stand erect. "You want something, yes? What is it that you want from me? You want me to stop?"

"I...I want _him."_

"What?"

"I want _him." _Toki whispered as he curled up into a ball and let blood leak from between his cut and split lips. He watched the scarlet richness of his life stain the snow red, watched it suck away the once white purity. "I want Danby. I want to spend my life with him and-"

"Silence! Enough of that filth!"

Another blow and Toki was seeing black dots, feeling his head grow heavy. He couldn't move. His whole body felt useless, as if it were made of stone. He couldn't shift a limb, but he felt pain screaming in every nerve of his body as his father hit him again and again until he let out a loud, horrible scream of torture. It was his last mechanism of defense, his last hope of begging for mercy. Without the ability to do anything else, all he could do was lie there and scream until blood flew from between his lips.

"S-Stop! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I can't take it anymore, just please stop! I'm sorry, I'll never d-d-do it again. I'll never talk to him again or-or-or—"

"Toki, look at me." Aslaug murmured, turning his son's face up to meet his. "Come on and open your eyes for me. I want to see them looking at me when I speak to you."

Toki opened his swollen eyes and felt something warm leaking down his face. He pressed a hand to his cheek and realized that it was blood. His tears were mixing with the blood that coated his face. All he could find the strength to do was cry. His father watched him with an expression of combined pity and relish. Finally he said, "Toki, what shall you do if I let you live? What will you do if I were to just stop?"

"I just want you to l-like me." he said sickly, feeling the blood that coated his throat mix with his spit. "Please like me, dad. That's all I really want."

Aslaug let out a labored breath and adjusted his cloak. Distractedly he peered up at the moon and smiled. "It's a nice night, don't you think?" Toki said nothing, only laid there in a tight ball weeping. His father cast him a pitiful gaze and said emotionlessly, "Get yourself up and go to bed now. I don't want your mother to see you like this."

And he went inside, left his son to lay in the snow and freeze. The only reason that Toki even bothered to haul himself to his feet at all was because he knew that someone was waiting for him. He knew where he would go tonight. Trying very hard to stand up straight, he spat out a few mouthfuls of blood and began to trudge his way thru the snowy yard, heading straight to Danby's house.

Of course he didn't bother to knock on the front door. It was much too late an hour to say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Glemt, so he just went to the back of the house and knocked on the window all the way to the left. In a moment a bright, gray-eyed boy was staring at him from the other side of the glass, the tired look on his face hidden by his unkempt dark brown hair. Upon seeing Toki standing there freezing in the snow, Danby opened his window and helped him inside, grinning like it was the funniest thing in the world. Danby had such a nice smile; not to big so that it was fake or unsettling, but just good enough to be considered warm and kind.

"Toki, what're you doing here so la—what's that? Blood?" gently he pressed a hand to the other teenager's bruised cheek. A look of fear came across his face as he took Toki into his arms. "You're bleeding so much. Did it hurt bad?"

"No."

"Don't lie."

"I...I just had to see you. I'm sorry. It's my dad, he-"

Danby ended the embrace and brushed some of Toki's hair away from his bruised face; he leaned forward and planted a soft, warm kiss on his forehead. "It's always his fault, isn't it? I'll kill him."

"No, don't! It's not-" he struggled to find the breath to speak—even breathing sent shock waves of pain thru him. "-it's not a big deal, I just...you know, I wanted to see you. I wanted to kiss you."

Danby kissed Toki quickly before rising to his feet and taking his hand. "Come on, kid. I guess we'll go get you cleaned up, huh? What happens when he finds that you're not in your room?" Kid. He always called the younger teenager that.

"It doesn't make a difference." he answered, wiping a little blood from his lips. "He'll hit me again anyway, only next time it won't be about y-" he cut himself off and turned red. Danby frowned.

"About what? Was it about _me?"_

"No, I-"

"He found out about us, didn't he?"

Toki smiled bitterly. "Everybody knew about us before this; you can't keep a secret like ours for long in a stupid place like this. I knew he'd find out soon, I just didn't figure it would be _this _soon, but it doesn't matter. We're still going away together, right?"

"Of course we are." Danby said with a firm nod. "And nothing can stop us, not my parents or yours. We'll be together and there's nothing anybody can do about it." he kissed Toki's cheek and whispered, "And when we're together I'll marry you and we can settle down. It'll be perfect."

"When do we leave?"

"Next week and nobody will ever be able to find us. I promise."

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 6, Part 2  
**_**Just A Dream**_

"Toki? Dude, wake up. Are you okay? Toki?" He let out a sharp gasp and awoke, looking around wildly. Pickles was standing over the bed above him, a concerned look on his face as he repeated, "Are you okay?"

"I...um..." he was shaking all over and in the back of his throat he swore he could taste blood. "Pickle, I—where ams I?"

"In my room." Pickles distractedly placed a hand on the Norwegian's forehead and frowned. "You gat a fever or something? Are you sick? You look all pale."

Toki shrank back from his touch and shook his head. "Of course I'm nots sick! Why did you wakes me up? What time ams it?"

"S' three in the morning, dude."

"Three?" he felt his heart become heavy. Three o'clock in the morning. He'd been told that Danby had died at that time, finally subcome to the freezing cold of the Norwegian wilderness. Suddenly he felt sick; he rushed to throw the covers off of him and stumble over all the empty booze bottles to the bathroom. Pickles followed close behind, saying nothing.

The drummer just held back handfuls of Toki's hair as the Norwegian vomited into the toilet. When Toki was done, Pickles gently pulled him away from the rim, flushed it, and sat down next to him. "You're okay now, right?"

"Y-Yeahs, I'm fine. It's just...I..." he was trembling from head to foot.

"It's hard, but it'll get better."

Toki glanced over at him, his pale eyes full of a subtle curiosity. "What ams you mean, Pickle?"

"You and Skwisgaar. I know it sucks now, but-"

"Nos, it ams not about him." he said, shaking his head. "It was abouts...why did you wake me up? Why dids you _haves _to wake me up?" suddenly he was sobbing. "Why did you haves to? We was together again, I coulds see him, I could feel him, I could taste him...why dids you wakes me up, damn it? Why'd you haves to take my Danby away from me again?"

A hurt look came across the drummer's face at the guitarist's words. "I was trying to help you, dude. You were screaming, begging for someone to wake you up, so I was just trying to-"

"Screamings?" he asked, covering his face with his hands. "I was screamings?"

Pickles gave him a sullen nod and whispered, "You scared me real bad, Toki. I thought...I...I didn't know what the fuck to think. Are you okay?" he didn't dare to ask what the guitarist had been dreaming of. He wanted to know, but a large part of him detested the thought. The way Toki had screamed had sounded so damn painful and agonizing, as if he were dying or being murdered... "Please say you'll never scream like that again." he murmured, placing a hand on Toki's shoulder. "It scared the fuck outta me."

"P-Pickle, do you remembers that lullaby I thought you?" he asked, revealing his pale, sweating face. The drummer nodded and looked away, almost as if he were ashamed of the affectionate look the Norwegian was giving him.

"Yeah, of course I remember."

"You sings it to me now? Danby used to before he died...he used to sings to me all the time before he..." he let a tear slip down his cheek and frowned when it hit the floor. "It ams not red, not blood." he muttered to himself, observing the clear, crystal drop. "Nots blood anymore."

"Toki?"

"Huh?" he looked up again, his blue eyes now bright and alert, completely aware now of what was happening and where he was. His previous disillusion had immediately disappeared and given way to a sort of soft sorrow.

"How long ago was it that Danby died?"

"Abouts three years." he answered.

Pickles nodded and stared down at his feet, at anything that wasn't Toki. "When was the last time you just stopped and let yourself cry over him?"

"I...umm..." he shrugged and answered lightly, "...nevers, because I never really hads time to cry over him. I was with Skwisgaar and now..."

"Now what?" the drummer asked, his green eyes darting over and meeting Toki's for a split second. "Now you're stuck with nothing else to think about except that."

There was a moment of silence before the Norwegian leaned back against the wall of the bathroom and closed his eyes. "What ams it you want me to do?"

"Cry," he said with a dismal sort of seriousness to his voice. "just cry for me—for _him."_

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 6, Part 3  
**_**Gray Morning**_

Morning came very late the next day. It was a disgustingly gray and rainy day. Pickles wandered over to his bedroom window,rolled up the blinds, and stared out at the rolling, endless sky of dreary clouds. He followed the raindrops that dripped down the outside glass with his index finger and let out a sigh of boredom. Toki had left him last night after they'd gone to sleep. It had been a wretched night full of tears and confessions. The Norwegian's sorrowful pleads still rung in his head, echoed in his ears.

"_Why can't God give him back to me? Why'd he take him away?"_

Never before had anyone been so openly honest with Pickles, and it made him feel good, almost like a savior of some sort. Toki needed someone to talk to, that much was certain, and last night had been the first time that he'd ever really spoken to anyone about Danby.

"_He died and he just left me alone! He _left _me!"_

The guitarist was in pain. Pickles couldn't believe that he could walk around every day seeming to be so happy and carefree with that kind of horrible, crushing burden. Then after all of that he had left Pickles to wake up like himself, have his first few morning drinks by himself, and to talk to himself like always. Now the drummer turned away from the window and went to his nightstand to get the bottle of vodka that was there. He felt totally alone now; thoughtlessly he downed half the bottle then wiped his mouth and yawned. For a long moment he shut eyes, thought about last night, tried to imagine living thru one of those cold, unforgiving Norwegian nights that Toki had so vividly described to him, but found that he couldn't.

Feeling hopelessly lost, he finished his bottle of booze then went to open his bedroom door. After opening it he found an odd surprise laying on the cold stone floor before him—a bunch of wildflowers, all different and bright colors. Pickles smiled, picked them up, and a nice image came to his mind; Toki smiling at him, his bright, perfectly innocent blue eyes shining with that old childlike luster they'd once had before all of this mayhem.

Somewhere in his heart Pickles longed to bring that old air back to Toki, to make him happy again.

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

****A/N****

**Midterms have been kicking my ass, but oh well. After this week they'll be over. Expect another chapter by Friday at the latest, because we have a half day and I plan to come home and do a little typing. I really do miss my fanfic. I think it's worth mentioning that in the next chapter things will begin to become a little easier for poor Toki. As always, reviews are welcome and thank you for reading.**

**Peace & Love**


	9. Blue Eyed Angel

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (_Blue-Eyed Angel_) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Oceans of innocence  
Painted every blue  
Oh, the things I'd do  
To have those eyes on me too_

_A touch of cloudless sky  
Shining like crystal glass  
A child's forgotten tear  
Glimmers of an angel's prayer  
Those eyes, they are purity beyond compare_

_Oceans of innocence  
Painted every blue  
Oh, the things I'd do  
To have those eyes on me too_


	10. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7, Part 1  
**_**Solitude**_

Weeks passed and Pickles hardly ever saw Toki at all. Mostly the guitarist would retreat outside to his special spot as soon as the sun had peaked over the top of the Mordhaus. It was obvious that he did this to avoid any kind of interaction with Skwisgaar, and the Swede ended up taking notice of this deliberate avoidance. One day as Toki walked up to his room after a long day of solitude, Skwisgaar went up and tried to kiss him; the horrified Norwegin just turned red and pushed him away.

"You will be leavings me alone now, please." he said, clutching his book of lullabies to his chest. The Swede laughed mockingly.

"Why? Don't you wants me no mo-"

It had been at that point Pickles had stepped in and hauled the Swede away from a clearly embarrassed Toki. After it was all done, the drummer went to his room and opened himself a fresh bottle of booze. He drank thru two whole bottles before a timid knock came at his bedroom door. He let out a groan and took a deep sip of vodka before calling, "Who is it? Whadda want?"

"Please lets me come in. I needs someone to-"

"Just open up the door, dude. You ain't gotta knock."

In a moment Toki was standing in the doorway looking down at his boots; he nervously twisted handfuls of his hair and bit his lip shyly. "I needs...please?"

Pickles arched a brow and asked, tasting the booze at the back of his throat, "Need what? Please what?"

"Can we..." he sighed and leaned against the door frame, a look of utter confusion and sorrow on his face. "I can't explain it, but I really, really needs someone to talks to. Can we talk, please? Today—earlier-what happened with Skwisgaar...it mades me think. It-"

"Why d'you wanna talk to me?" the drummer asked, unsteadily placing the bottle of vodka over on his night stand. "I'm just a stupid drunk idiot, not good for anything, right?"

Toki shook his head and finally entered the room. After softly closing the door he went over and sat down next to Pickles. "No you ams not. You're my favorite."

He snickered and asked, "Your favorite what?"

"I don't know, just my favorite person to talks to, I guess." he answered, twisting some more of his hair. "Can you please just tells me what to do? You ams so good at that."

"No, dude." he said, shaking his head. "Nobody should tell you what to do. _You _decide what you wanna do, nat-"

"I've been alones a lot lately." Toki stated, his pale eyes focusing down to the floor. "Haves you noticed? Has anyone?"

Pickles nodded. "Yeah, I have. Why? To get away from everything that's been going on lately?"

"Ja, I guess, buts today when he kissed me I realized somethings." the Norwegian's voice was soft and considerate, as if he were thinking very deeply about what to say next. "I decided that I can'ts do it by myself. I can't get better if I just sits around all day alone and stuff. It's like...I don't know...I just..."

"You gatta think about something else for a while," the drummer agreed. "You gatta go do something away from here and everyone and just-" and a sudden idea came to his mind. He grinned and asked, his eyes glazing over from the memories, "Hey, Toki, d'you remember the first night that you and Skwi—you remember what me and Tony did?"

The guitarist shook his head. "No. Whats?"

"We made you guys watch an American horror movie. Don't you remember 'dat? You got scared outta your mind and-"

Toki's eyes lit up suddenly and for one precious moment his old childlike excitement was there, but it quickly faded when he blurted, "Ja, ands it was about that mom who killed those peoples 'cause she loved her son and they let him drown. I remembers that."

"Yeah. How about we watch that again?"

He let out a sound that was a half-laugh, half-scoff; never a laugh, though. Toki hardly ever laughed anymore. "Why woulds we do that?"

Pickles shrugged. "I dunno, to get your mind off stuff, I guess. It's a good idea, right? You wanna watch _Friday the 13__th__?"_

"Ams that what it's called?"

"Yep."

"Don't you haves anything better to do?"

He shook his head. "Nope. I'm free as long as you are, dude."

Soon Pickles and Toki were sitting together in front of the television staring with wide eyes as camp counselors were slaughtered. Sometimes the guitarist would jump in surprise, but mostly he just laughed and leaned heavily against the drummer. Every time someone died the two would cheer, and when the killer got beheaded they threw empty bottles of booze at the screen. When it was over, Toki was laying on the floor staring up at the ceiling, a small smile on his face.

"You know what I always liked abouts that movie?"

"Hmm?" Pickles asked, drinking some more.

"The moms, how she loved her son so much she actually killed for him." Toki sighed wistfully and closed his eyes for a moment. "That ams love, huh?"

The drummer laughed. "No it ain't; it's called psychopathy, dude."

"Ams that even a word—_psychopathys?"_

"If it wasn't, it is now." Pickles commented smartly. "Anyways, that chick was insane. You don't want a mam like that, do you?"

"I'd rather haves a crazy killings mom who loves me than one who doesn't do anythings at all." he said almost snappishly. The drummer shrank back, a little surprised at Toki's sudden hostility.

"Dude," he said, putting down his bottle of vodka. "what the fuck is wrong with yo-"

"Can we do somethings else together?" he asked, suddenly excited. Pickles arched a brow.

"What?"

"Can we go walks outside or somethings?"

"Why would we-"

"Comes on, let's go. Let's talks about something else and go outside." Toki blurted excitedly, jumping to his feet. He pulled Pickles up and hurried over to the bedroom door. "Comes on, let's go! Right now, comes on!"

"Dude, okay, just rela-"

"We can do something else to distracts me." and he quickly dragged Pickles out of the room and down the hall that lead to the front door of the Mordhaus. The drummer tried to pull away and make him slow down, but Toki wouldn't have it; finally, as they got outside, he stopped and gave the Norwegian an odd look. "What ams wrong?" he asked, seeming to be a little disappointed at Pickles' sudden hesitation. "Don't you wants to hang out no more?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"Then what ams the problem?"

"Toki, you can't just expect for things to get better by ignoring them."

The guitarist blushed slightly but pretended to act oblivious to the drummer's words. "What ams you mean? How ams I trying to ignore everything else? Just because I don't wants to think of Skwisgaar or Danby doesn't mean that-"

"But you _need _to think of them."

"Whys?" he said, his voice breaking. "How do you knows what I should and shouldn't thinks of? What makes you so smart?"

Pickles had the sudden urge to shrink back, to retreat inside himself, but didn't. Instead he just took a deep breath and began to explain. "You need to think of them and all that other crap so that you can get better."

Toki let out an exasperated sigh and insisted, "But I _ams _better! I don't cry no mores or do any bad stuff, so I ams better!" and he grabbed Pickles' arm and began walking with him again. "Comes on, let's just gos." They spent the next twenty minutes in silence before Toki spoke again. "Pickle, I can't stands this. Talks to me."

"About what?"

"Anythings, like what your parents were like. Just _anything, _I don'ts care. Please makes me forget about everything else." and his eyes lit up with a sudden idea. "I know! You should sings!"

He cursed. "Why do you always want me to make a fool of myself like that?"

Toki grinned and answered, " 'Cause I likes it. You don't makes a fool of yourself, either. You haves a wonderful singing voice."

The drummer took a deep breath and began to sing an old rock song that he knew. When it was over, Toki took his hand and walked in silence until they came upon his secret spot. The two sat down, looked up, and watched the clouds lazily rolling by for the rest of the day, thinking of nothing more than the pure simplicity of the world. When the time came to go back inside, Toki said, his voice full of resentment, "Skwisgaar ams will be back in there, huh?"

"Yep." Pickles said, plucking up a blade of grass and knotting it. "And Nathan and Murderface too."

"But Skwisgaar?"

"Mm-hmm."

A look of disgust came across his face as he rose to his feet and kicked up some dirt. "Fucks him for what he dones to me! I'm not scared to see him anymores."

"Okay, then let's go inside." the drummer said, offering a hand to the distraught Norwegian. He took it gratefully and followed Pickles inside the house.

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 7, Part 2  
**_**More Distractions**_

Toki spent the next few weeks with the rest of the band—especially Pickles—trying in vein to distract himself from the trouble that Skwisgaar was giving him. The drummer seemed to be naturally concerned about him, but said nothing about it. Instead he focused his energy on trying to help Toki past all of the pain and hurt, but was ultimately unsuccessful. Things did appear to be going well until one night after a session in the recording studio. Pickles had walked into the living room with his usual bottle of vodka in his hand, ready to give Toki a guitar lesson. The Norwegian was nowhere to be found, though. The drummer frowned and turned to Nathan.

"Hey, dude, where the fuck's Toki? I wanna talk to him."

His dark eyes flashed over to Murderface; the two exchange almost nervous expressions. "Well..." he said in a gentle tone. "he went to Skwisgaar's room a few hours ago and..."

But Pickles didn't hear the rest. His mind was reeling, struggling to regain any kind of grip on Nathan's words. In the end all he could do was ask in confusion, "What the fuck'd he do?"

"Went to fuck around with Shkwishgaaar." Murderface lisped, smiling at the horrified look on the drummer's face. "He shaid that they were getting back together."

"What?" Pickles howled, his voice cracking unsteadily. "Why would he do 'dat? Why the fuck would you guys _let _him do 'dat? He was doin' so _good, _getting over Skwisgaar like he was—now it's all gonna happen again and you guys don't even care!"

"We care." Nathan said, shrugging off Pickles' worry. "Just not that much. It's his life. Let him fuck it up however he wants."

"Beshidesh, he really wash happy to be back with Shkiwshgaar." Murderface added, shuttering. "Shtupid queersh; why'd we let two fagsh in the band? They alwaysh have to have grossh, gay drama."

Pickles fell back against the wall and let the bottle of vodka fall from his hand. He couldn't believe it. After all of that talking and hanging out, he still hadn't made Toki happy enough to stay away from the Swede? What could he do? Nothing. He was powerless now. Toki was completely at Skwisgaar's cruel mercy again. They'd have sex and probably break up right after, or Skwisgaar might drag it out again until Toki was ready to kill himself. The drummer walked numbly to his room and slammed the door.

His Toki fucking with someone else? His innocent, blue-eyed, wonderfully amazing Toki? Unimaginable.

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**Chapter 7, Part 3  
**_**Another Breakup**_

Toki remembered so well what it had been like the first time they were together, and as the beautiful Swede pulled him to the side and touched his cheek, it was all he could think of. Skwisgaar leaned close to him, made as if he were about to kiss the trembling Norwegian, but pulled away at the last second and whispered lustfully, "You misses me?"

He struggled to find the breath to whisper, "Y-Yeah, of course."

A slow, meaningful smile spread across the Swede's face as he brushed his lips against Toki's. "You wants me again? You remembers what it was likes when we-"

"Every time I sees you I thinks of it."

He laughed coolly and took a step away from the Norwegian, a smug, knowing look on his face. "But you don't wants me no more; you only wants Pickle."

"Nos, I-"

"You likes him, don't you?"

Toki looked down and put his hands behind his back in an absurd display of innocent, charming meekness. "No. We ams just friends."

"You two ain't got whats we have, huh?"

"No."

Another laugh then, "You wants to haves it again?"

The Norwegian shook his head slowly. "No, you hurts me too much. I hates how you treat me."

Skwisgaar's laughter faded as he touched Toki's hand. "No, you don't likes how I treat you—you _loves _it, don't you? You loves it 'cause you knows that you kinds of deserve it, huh?"

"Maybes." was his shy little response. He let Skwisgaar touch the small of his back and pull him closer. Under the Swede's impossibly alluring touch he let out a little sigh; the blond smiled.

"You likes this? You likes it when we fucks?" slowly he leaned forward and said, his voice a low hiss of hot passion, "You wants me to haves you again?" Toki melted into his arms and welcomed the small kiss that Skwisgaar gifted him with. Before anything could get too hot or deep, the Swede pulled away and said, "No, you asks me first befores I kiss you again."

"Buts-"

"You haves to _ask _for it."

"How do I-" Toki pressed his hips against the Swede's and breathed, "-dos that?"

"Begs me to kiss you and touch you." he answered coldly, pushing the Norwegian away from him. "You haves to begs me and say you're sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Makings me punish you."

Toki felt his heart turn to ice; he wanted this so damn badly. "I'ms so fuckings sorry. I-"

"You wants me?"

"Ja, so bads."

"Wants me to what?"

"Kiss me."

Skwisgaar grinned and ventured to ask, his lips parted and so inviting, "And whats else you wants me to do to you?" he kissed Toki again then brushed his lips along the guitarist's neck lightly. "You wants me to fuck you?" Toki once again melted back into Skwisgaar's warm embrace, accepted the deep, fiery kisses and was left to lean against the wall panting and moaning. "You didn't answer me," the Swede said, ending it all so abruptly that it was nearly painful. "You didn't answers my question. What dids I say about not listenings to me when I talks to you?"

"I-"

He roughly slapped Toki's cheek and answered himself. "You gets punished, now comes on with me to my room." he took the Norwegian's hand and panted, "I'ms goings to _punish _you, alrights. We ammnest goings to have a goods time."

Thru the whole ordeal Toki could only think of one thing—the first time all of this had happened. It had been far back before _Dethklok _and before he'd even met Pickles. It had been in a small, cozy hotel room in Sweden. They'd somehow managed to pool enough money together to rent a room for the night. As they laid their snow-covered jackets next to the small fireplace that was in the center of the room, Skwisgaar sighed.

"This isn't good, Toki." he said in his rough Norwegian. "We're out of money. What're we going to do tomorrow?"

He shrugged and sat down in front of the fireplace, hugging himself against the frigidness of the room. "I don't know."

"It's not that cold." Skwisgaar commented, sitting down on one the squeaky, thin-mattressed beds. "For a Swedish night, it's actually kind of warm."

"Not warm enough for me." he murmured, rubbing his hands together. Skwisgaar laughed and threw the thin covers of the bed over to him.

"Here, take this. Maybe it'll keep you from freezing to death."

"Thanks." he said tiredly, wrapping the covers around his shoulders. The Swede frowned at this, got up, and walked over to him. Gently he adjusted the covers and then affectionately passed a hand thru Toki's long curtain of brown hair.

"You had it crooked; you'll never keep warm like that."

"What do you care?" Toki asked almost snappishly, shrugging away from Skwisgaar's wandering touch. "Weren't you the one throwing ice at me today?"

"That was a joke."

"Yeah, right, and when I started shivering you wondered why."

The Swede's frown deepened as he took a seat next to the Norwegian. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know you were so..."

"So what?"

"Girly."

Toki's eyes flashed with anger; he threw the covers off of him and hissed, "I'm _not _girly!"

Skwisgaar grinned. "Okay, sure. Whatever you say, just don't shout as much. They might kick us out. Here." he draped the covers back over the Norwegian's shoulders and said gently, "You've taken good care of me, so now that we're in Sweden I get to take care of you. I'm sorry I threw that stupid ice. I was just trying to make you laugh. I really love your laugh, you know."

"Yeah," he said, blushing. "I know."

"You look nice when you laugh—_cute."_

Toki smiled and glanced over at the Swede. "You think I'm cute?"

"Only when you laugh." and he dared to lean forward and kiss the Norwegian's cheek. "Normally you look so little, like a kid or something." When Toki looked away, Skwisgaar nudged him playfully. "Hey, hasn't anyone ever called you cute before?"

"Nope." he lied. "Nobody."

"Hasn't anyone ever cared about you?"

"No, never." Another lie, but if he talked about Danby then he'd cry and ruin everything.

Skwisgaar just gave him a sad, sympathetic glance and asked gently, "Haven't you ever had a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Oh." his dark blue eyes shined as he whispered, "You know, you really are cute. I like that about you—you always look so amazing."

Toki laughed bitterly, let the Swede lean against his shoulder. "Shut up." he instructed, trying to get him off.

"No, I won't. When I like someone I let them know." Skwisgaar whispered, brushing his cheek against the Norwegian's. "Don't you want me to like you?"

"I...I don't..." everything was happening so unbelievably fast. Danby had died and now this? Toki couldn't handle it; he sat there thinking of how to react as the Swede leaned forward and kissed him lightly. Very soon that one innocent kiss had evolved into deeper ones. Only then, as the Swede's tongue danced in his mouth, did Toki bother to do anything about it.

"Sk-Skwisgaar!" he gasped, pushing the Swede away. "Stop, please don't..." He said this, but as he peered into those wonderfully longing eyes he realized that he _didn't _want it to stop. He wanted to to go on forever, to go father and deeper than anything he'd ever known with anyone. Toki had always dreamed that Danby would be the one he'd lose his virginity to, but if it was this teenager then it was okay. After all, the Swede was his new best friend, and even though he snapped at Toki and hit him, he was amazing to look at, especially now. His slender frame stood out in the meager light of the room and his shirt fit his perfectly slim frame so beautifully.

"What do I do if I want you?" he asked, his breath coming out in short, raspy gasps. Skwisgaar's smile softened as he touched Toki's hand.

"You want me like this?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I really do."

"Then just trust me." and his fingers traveled down to Toki's belt and tugged insistently. "Take it off—_all _of your clothes."

His face grew red. "But I-"

"I want to see you naked." was his simple explanation as he stripped off his own shirt. He threw it over on the bed and orrdered, "And go lay down when you're done."

"But I..." his voice trailed off. This is how it happened, just like this? With a command as simple enough as _go get on the bed when you're done? _Toki swallowed and walked over. He sat down on the bed, hating the squeaking sound the springs made under his weight. Skwisgaar watched him and laughed.

"You're shy now? Come on, take off your clothes and lay down for me."

"I..."

"You're embarrassed to let me see you like that?"

"I've just never...nobody's ever seen me like tha-"

"Toki, fuck this crap!" Skwisgaar snapped suddenly, making the Norwegian jump. "Take your clothes off now!"

And he hadn't protested any more than that. The first time had been painful. It had hurt so badly that Toki almost made Skwisgaar quit, but it was so wonderful. After that night it became apparent that Toki couldn't get enough of the Swede, so he was always willing to fuck him. They'd screw each other in the dirt of an abandoned barn, in the snow, in the last seat of a bus...everywhere and anywhere Skwisgaar wanted it, he got it from him. The Norwegian didn't know any better, though. Sex wasn't like he'd imagined it, not at all, but it was good—amazing-so what did it matter? As long as someone was willing to fuck him and love him in that way, then what did anything matter?

Now there wasn't the slightest trace of what little sweetness Skwisgaar had once shown towards the other man. He just threw Toki unceremoniously onto the bed, unzipped his pants, and smiled down at him. "Come on, take off your clothes and lets me do the work."

"I..." he ran a nervous hand thru his hair, remembering that old time they'd had together in that Swedish hotel. "I can't."

A look of rage came across Skwisgaar's face. "Excuse me? Whats the fuck did you just say?"

"I'm not going to lets you do that to me!" he said, his voice stronger now. "You always dos this and I'm—damn it, I don'ts need this. I don't needs you, Skwisgaar. You're not the only thing keepings me alive, nots anymore." and with that, Toki sat up and pushed the the other man away. Skwisgaar just watched him with wide, astonished eyes.

"But I...you're goings to lets me fucks you!"

"No!" he insisted unwaveringly. "I'm nots!"

"But I loves you!"

Toki laughed and got to his feet. He re-buckled his belt and put his boots back on. "Yeah, I'm sure you do, just likes I'm sure that afters we fuck you ams was just goings to dumps me again, right?" when the Swede said nothing, Toki stomped over to the door. "And for the records, I'm nots that stupid. I know that you never thoughts I was cute."

Skwisgaar went over and grabbed his arm, tried to pull him back. "I do think you ammnest cute! You ams adorable!"

"Well that ams too damn bad, 'cause you ams never going to touch me agains! Lets me go now, please."

"Or whats?"

"Or I'll hurts you."

His eyes grew even wider; in an instant the Swede had raised a fist and readied himself to strike, but Toki was too quick. Before Skwisgaar could even bring his fist down, the Norwegian had hit him right in the face, sent him flying back against the soft white mattress of the bed. Once that was done, he stormed out of the room, leaving Skwisgaar to lay on the floor with a blackening eye.

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**Chapter 7, Part 4  
**_**Meltdown**_

"I needs a drink." Toki muttered as he barged in Pickles' room and plopped down on the bed. The drummer stared at him with a mixture of confusion and sympathy.

"It didn't work, did it?"

"Nopes."

"You two broke up, huh?"

He nodded and took a sip from the bottle of vodka that Pickles was drinking. "Ja, brokes up before we even hads sex."

"I'm sorry, dude." he muttered, reaching for Toki's hand. "He's a total fucking dick."

"I knows. That ams why I broke up with him for good."

The drummer's mouth dropped open and he let out a joyous laugh. "You-you're kiddin', right? You must be joking, because-"

"Nopes, I broke up with him and punched hims right in his face." He laughed hysterically now, until Toki's face became clouded with worry. He went over and sat closer to Pickles. "You ams okay?"

"O-Of course I am! You broke up with him, you really did! That's great! Why'd you do it?"

"He hits me and then tried to fucks me. I didn't wants it and it wasn't...I just—it wasn't turnings me on like before, so I tried to leave, but he didn't want and he tried to stops me, so I hits him right here." he touched Pickles' cheek lightly and then grinned. "And I kinds of liked it, too."

"He deserved it." the drummer said, taking back his bottle of vodka and drinking from it. "I was worried about you, though."

Toki arched a brow. "You was worried abouts _me?"_

"Fuck yeah," he answered, putting the bottle over on his nightstand. "I thought you'd get hurt again. I thought he'd hurt you and that would...I'd have to...I'd just fuckin' kill him. You don't deserve to be hurt. You've already been thru enough shit. I don't wanna see you go thru any more hurt, y'know?"

"Nobodys ever saids anything like that to me before." he said, smiling a little. "You ams really special, Pickle. Thanks."

Immediately he regretted his soft and kind words and turned red. "Yeah, sure, I guess. No problem."

And to his surprise, Toki leaned over and kissed his cheek lightly before laying down in the bed and crawling under the covers. "Cans I sleep in here with you tonight? I don't feel like beings alone anymore."

"S-Sure." he said, still taken aback by the kiss. "Just don't get mad if I wake you up again, okay? I'm only doin' it for your own goo-"

"Okays. Thanks. Goodnights."

"Yep. G'night."

Soon after that Toki fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. Oddly enough, the dream that emerged from his mind wasn't like all the rest. It wasn't full of beatings and blood and tears. Instead it was filled with confusion and ice. More specifically, a frozen lake of ice. It was the same lake that he and Skwigsaar had met on during their separate pilgrimages, only this time there wasn't anybody around as Toki fell into the freezing waters.

As the glass-like ice cracked and gave way, he could hear the laughter of his father and the screaming of his mother, but also something else. It was Skwisgaar howling in his ear, _"I shoulds have left you to freeze to death back in Norway; maybe it woulds have saved me some trouble."_

Toki opened his mouth to say something, but just ended up swallowing a mouthful of freezing water and a few chunks of ice. He was left to sink to the bottom of that frozen lake. Would nobody come and save him from this horrible fate? He was dying, drowning as he shivered and let out precious gasps of air; he watched as torrents of bubbles from his own mouth weaved up to the surface of the water, burst thru that one hole of sunny brightness he had fallen thru.

Then, to his surprise, there came someone. The person was surrounded in a halo of burning, blazing orange as he reached down into the frigid water and took Toki's outstretched hand. Once he had been saved and was able to catch his breath, he panted, "Pickle, you saved me! You saved me, you..."

But it hadn't been Pickles who had pulled him out of that frozen death. The person who stood in front of him was much younger, no older than sixteen. Toki felt his breath catch in his throat as he whispered painfully, "Danby?"

"My Toki, you're freezing." the teenager said, giving his love one of his old, amazingly warm smiles. "I missed you, but obviously you haven't missed me. You've forgotten about me, my darling. You've-"

"But you're dead..."

"No I'm not." he said, shaking his head slowly. "I never died, you just forgot that I was ever alive."

Toki felt something inside of him break—his heart?-at the sound of Danby's words. He looked down and realized saw his reflection staring back at a much younger version of himself in the luster of the ice. He was a teenager again, reliving that old, horrible life. "D-Danby, I...I could never forget you. I love yo-"

"You don't know what love is, my darling." he said, taking Toki's cold, trembling hand. "Because if you did then you would know that I never died."

"But you did!"

"Only to you because you didn't care about me anymore." his gray eyes shined dangerously, almost in the same fashion that Skwisgaar's did when he was angry. "And the worst part is that we never got around to making love. Our time together was a waste, and now you're insulting my memory by going out with that stupid, disgusting Swede." No, this wasn't his Danby. His Danby had been good and nice to him, no matter what stupid thing he'd done...

"But we're not-"

"I just want you to be happy." he said, pressing a hand to Toki's cheek tenderly. "I don't ever want to see you with someone who hits you or takes advantage of you ever again, do you understand?" when he said nothing, Danby continued boldly, "I want you to be with someone who makes you as happy as I did, someone like-"

"Toki, wake up."

"Huh?" Toki asked, blinking rapidly. In a moment those feelings of cold faded, as did Danby's image; he was laying in Pickles' bed again, whispering to himself in Norwegian. The drummer was squeezing his shoulder almost painfully, shaking him hard.

"Wake up, dude! You're doing it again, you're-"

"Screamings?"

He nodded and relaxed a little at the sound of the guitarist's voice. "Yeah, you were."

"Pickle, what do you thinks happens to us after we die?" Toki asked, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. Pickles arched a brow.

"What?"

"Do we still lives, only in a different place?"

"I don't..."

"Do you thinks Danby would be mads at me for what I did?" he inquired. The drummer's eyes darted to the floor as he shook his head.

"No. Why would he be?"

"Because I ams not in love with him anymore." After he said that, Toki rushed to add, "No, I means that I still _loves _him, but I'm just not...you knows what I mean?"

"Sure," he said, nodding. "he's dead and you've finally accepted it. I get it."

"So do you thinks he would be mad if I fell in love with someones else?"

Pickles shrugged. "I dunno. Why?"

Toki frowned in thought. "No reasons. I was just wonderings."

"So you're good?"

"Ja," he said, letting out a tired sigh. "I'm goods."


	11. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8, Part 1  
**_**Second Mistakes**_

Pickles fell asleep on the floor that night and yielded his warm bed to Toki. He slept rather peacefully until, at some point the next morning, a loud banging could be heard outside of his room. He gave a start."T-Toki, what th'fuck's goin' an?"

When no answer came his eyes snapped open and he sat straight up; Toki wasn't in the bed anymore. He wasn't even in the room, and as Pickles hurried to get to his feet and open the door, he realized that the shouting that was coming from outside was distinctly Norwegian. He sighed and opened the door. The drummer watched as Skwsgaar, whose room was right down the hall from his own, threw Toki's belongings out of his room. The Norwegian stood close by, trying to salvage whatever he could from the pile of now broken plane models and ripped papers of sheet music.

"You don't wants to be with me no mores?" Skwisgaar howled, grabbing Toki's little stuffed bear. The other man's eyes grew wide as he tried to reclaim the beloved stuffed animal.

"Don'ts you dare, or—"

"Ammnest you goings to lets me fuck you again?"

He glanced from his bear to the Swede and finally shook his head. "Nos. Never again."

"Fines! Then fucks you, you idiots!" and he ripped the teddy cleanly in half, laughing as the inner stuffing fell onto the floor. Pickles immediately made a move to help Toki, but stepped back. Clearly the Norwegian wanted to handle the problem himself, so the drummer quickly retreated back towards his bedroom and remained silent.

Toki sniffled and as he picked up the remaining pieces of his teddy. Tenderly he held the stuffing in his hands and pressed it close to his chest. "Skwisgaar, why ams you being like this? You're the one who whats brokes up with me in the first place!"

"But you haven't comes running back to me yet! Alls you do is hang out with stupids Pickle!" he said bitterly, grinning at the Norwegian's sorrow. Just before he stepped back into his room and slammed the door, he spat hatefully, "Ands for the record, I shoulds have left you to freeze to death back in Norway; maybe it woulds have saved me some trouble."

And Toki was left standing there in the hall holding what remained of his beloved teddy bear, trying very hard to make sense of it all. Only then, when he was left alone to think of his own sorrows and mistakes, did Pickles go up to him and place a gentle, reassuring hand on his shoulder. "C'mon, let's go."

"W-Wheres?" the guitarst asked, struggling to contain his hurt and shame. "Wheres can we go that ams away from here? Just really, really fars away..."

"I don't know, but we'll go somewhere. We don't have to stay here all day, y'know."

Toki shook his head and said mournfully, "But he'll still be here when we gets back. They'll all stills be here, and by then Skwisgaar woulds have told them."

"Fuck Skwisgaar." Pickles said curtly. "Fuck all of them."

"Buts..." he looked down and presented the drummer with his torn teddy. "he ams broke. Can you fix him?"

"I...uh..." he took the stuffed animal and shrugged. "Maybe, but let's get away from here, okay? Let's just both-"

"Why the both of us?"

He paused before saying gently, almost soothingly, "Because weren't you the one who said you were afraid to be alone?"

Toki's face paled as he nodded. "Okays, fine. We'll go..."

"Somewhere." Pickles agreed, nudging him in the direction of his room. "Go get dressed and all that crap. I'll meet you downstairs, okay?"

"Whatever." he said gloomily. "Whatever gets me out of here the fastest."

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**Chapter 8, Part 2  
**_**Servant & Master**_

And so the two left the confines of the Mordhaus in search of better and more soothing things. Before they could leave, they had to face the others who sat in the living room. As soon as Pickles and Toki entered the room everyone stopped their mindless chatter and grew silent, all casting uneasy glances at the two men. Skwisgaar sat in his usual place strumming at his Gibson, but whenever he saw Toki walk past him he stopped and a cold grin stretched across his thin face.

"Hey, Tokis, where ammnest you-"

"None of your business." he said shortly, taking Pickles' hand. The Swede's blue eyes filled with something of envy and hatred; he slowly put down his guitar.

"Where ams you going with _him _of all peoples?"

"Away." Toki responded simply, his hold on the drummer's hand tightening. "Pickle says that I needs to get away from everything here—you."

Skwisgaar shifted his glare over to the drummer. "He dids?"

"Ja, and-"

"Pickle," the Swede cut Toki off. "you two ammnest goings out now? You ams fucking him?"

He turned almost as red as his hair. "I—no. That's never gonna-"

"He always was goods at beings the bitch." Skwisgaar continued, shifting slightly in his spot on the couch. "He'll listens to anything you says, no matter how disgustings it ams."

"Dude, you'd better shut your mouth, or-"

"It ammnest nice to have a servant for once, huh?"

Toki bit his lower lip and said sheepishly, "Shuts up, Skwisgaar." The Swede just laughed cruelly and resumed his guitar playing, muttering in Swedish to himself. Pickles wanted so badly to say something in retaliation—his whole frame was quaking with the effort of suppressing his insults—but Toki sensed the danger and lead him out of the house. Once they were finally alone said calmly, "Pickle, you've gots to understand something. Whats he said, it's just how he ams. You can't change him. You can't-"

"How the fuck could you fall in love with someone like that?" the drummer demanded, still fuming. "He's a fucking idiot, Toki. Can't you see that?"

He looked down and smiled a little, almost secretively. "I think I'm starting to see a lot of things now that I never haves before. Like you. Pickle. You ams-"

"I wanted to just..." Pickles glared down at the ground. "I wanted to really kill him. Everything he says about you..."

"It ams true, you know."

"No it's nat."

"Yes," Toki nodded. "It ams. I did anythings he wanted, got nothings back other than pain. He's right to thinks I'm an idiot, because I ams."

"No." he said unwaveringly. "You're not. Look, you're just—how'd you learn that much from just one bad breakup anyway?" was his final question. "How long have you two even been together?"

"Too long." he said automatically. For his second answer he said, "You haves to learn from your mistakes or you get punished again. Punished and hurt." distractedly he rubbed at his shoulder then looked up at the sky. "My dads taught me that. He thought me a lot abouts being punished."

"Are you glad he did?" Pickles asked, instinctively reaching for the guitarist's hand. "Are you glad he hurt you? Did it really make you any smarter or better?"

"I don't really know."

And so they walked in silence, content enough with just each others presence. Pickles, not knowing where else to go, retreated with the Norwegian into the sanctuary of the overgrown edge of the yard. They sat under an ancient, decrepit oak tree and gradually began speaking again. For hours they just sat there under the cool haven of the oak's dying and brown leaves, until the sun was halfway consumed by the horizon. Then, as the last few rays painted the sky orange and bright pink, Toki dared to scoot closer to Pickles and let out a content, perfectly happy sigh.

Softly he asked, "Pickle?"

"Huh?"

"You cans sings to me?"

"Sure." he said, slipping his hand into Toki's. "What do you want me to sing?"

"Anythings in Norwegian. Remembers, like I taught you?"

He grinned a little and recited all he could of a Norwegian lullaby. Once he was done, Toki laughed and let his head fall against the drummer's shoulder. "This ams nice. Skwisgaar never did any of this stuff with me, even though we was in love."

Pickles' smile faded as he stared down at the guitarist, concern flashing in his green eyes in the light of the dimming sun. "Dude, do you really think that's what love is? Don't you remember that guy you told me about—Danby? Is that how he treated you?"

He shook his head and met the drummer's gaze. His blue eyes shined with so much boyish innocence and charm as he said dreamily, "Nos, he was so goods to me; he _loved _me. He wanteds to be with me no matter what."

"So that was love?"

"Of course it was."

"Then how can you even compare anything that you and Skwisgaar had to that?" Pickles wondered. The more he himself thought about it, the more confused he became. If what Toki and Danby had used to have really was love, then what did any relationship he had ever been in amount to? If that was love, then what had he felt so long ago, staring into that groupie's dark, longing eyes? It wasn't what Toki and Danby had felt, of that he was sure. What had it been?

Instead of answering the drummer's question, Toki just whispered, "Do you thinks I'll ever find anyone to loves again?"

"Yeah." he said after a moment of thought. "You definitely will."

"When?"

"Whenever you're ready, I guess."

"Oh." a long moment of heavy silence passed before Toki dared to say sweetly, "Maybes I'm ready right now."

Pickles slipped an arm around his waist and pulled the Norwegian into a hug. " 'Dat's fine, then. Go find someone to love you."

"Whats about if I loved..." he couldn't complete his sentence.

The more Pickles thought about it, the more distressed he became. Toki, in _love? _He closed his eyes and made his mind go blank. Could it be that the guitarist made him feel what he'd always wanted to feel? He didn't speak as he ran a hand along the small of Toki's back, along his shoulders; he held his hands, affectionately ran his thumbs along the soft palm, and realized that his worst fears were confirmed. This was it, he'd finally found _it. It, _that feeling that far surpassed anything that the stupid groupie had made him feel long ago. No, what he'd felt for that girl hadn't been love. It couldn't have been love, because _this_ was love, what he had right here, and it was better than anything he'd ever felt for anyone or anything.

Almost cautiously he let his hand brush against Toki's cheek. "Hey, maybe if you wanted I could..." he swallowed, tried to think of any possible way to make what he was thinking sound okay.

"Pickle, why ams you touching me like this?" the Norwegian whispered almost urgently. Silently he was begging for that answer—the only answer—that would make him happy. He pulled out of Pickles' warm, feeling embrace and sat in his lap instead.

They sat there less than an inch away from each other, each silently begging from some impossible thing from the other. Who would dare to speak his thoughts first, to ruin the moment they'd worked for so many years to achieve—surely every minute they'd been together since they day they'd met had been building up to this, so which one of them would dare?

Pickles leaned forward, wanting so badly to do it, to just forget that greater part of him that said it was wrong, but couldn't. Instead he faltered and looked down, blushing. "I...maybe we should..." Toki's eyes lost all previous signs of hope and in almost adolescent rebellion, he to turned away. He didn't speak, only made a move to rise to his feet. Before he could, however, Pickles had come to his senses and pulled him back into his arms again. "Come here." he whispered, delicately brushing some of the Norwegian's hair from his face. "Let me see your eyes. You've gat such nice eyes. I...I think I love them. I think I might love you."

"That ams that mean?" he asked, feeling his heart almost melt with a sudden warmth. As the sun behind him illuminated his features, made him look as if he were made of pure gold, he leaned closer to the drummer and inquired, "What does it really means to be in love?"

"Let me show you." he said, reaching for Toki's hand.

Slowly Pickles went in again for a kiss, but this time he didn't hesitate or quit. He pressed his lips to the guitarist's and held him tightly. Gradually everything became okay. The drummer didn't force Toki into anything, didn't make any demands of him until they were both willing and ready to deepen the kiss. They just sat there in the dusk of twilight, pulling away and meeting again in the middle until Pickles was bold enough to let his tongue snake its way into Toki's mouth. The Norwegian accepted it gratefully and let out a little panting moan in response. He closed his eyes and let Pickles do what he wanted to him until the kiss was over.

"Wh-What're you doing?" the drummer inquired, licking his lips and staring oddly at the guitarist.

Toki struggled to regain his breath. "What ams what?"

"You just undid your belt, like you were about to fuckin' strip right here." Pickles took Toki's belt in his hands and re buckled it; the Norwegian just stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"What ams you-"

"You think we're gonna have sex right here, right now, just because we kissed?"

Toki turned red and shrugged meekly as Pickles kissed his forehead. "Maybes. That ams always what me and Skwiwsgaar did."

"Yeah, and you're not with him anymore, are you?"

"No."

"You're with me now, right?"

"I...um..." he let Pickles take his hand and kiss his fingertips lightly. "I don'ts know. Are we together?"

"Only if you wanna be." the drummer muttered, pressing his lips to the palm of the guitarist's soft hand. "I'm whatever you want me to be."

"I want you to never leaves me." Toki said quietly, laying his head in Pickles' lap. "I wants you to be here with me always and sings to me and tell me that it ams okay when I get hurt—I never, ever wants you to punish me."

"I wouldn't think about doing something like that to you." he whispered tenderly, running his hands thru the Norwegian's long, smooth hair. "Never."

"You promise?"

"More than promise."

"Skwisgaar promised me that he'd nevers-"

"I'm never gonna take advantage of you, either. How does that sound?" Pickles smiled down at Toki and gently kissed the top of his head. "Do you wanna be with me?"

"Yes, buts just so long as..." his eyes filled with tears as he said painfully, "Danby always saids, he saids that I would finds someone else...he saids-"

"We should go see him." the drummer interrupted, his green eyes lighting up in the black of the night sky. "If you want we could both go to Norway and, y'know, just tell him hi. If you want, that is. I know you love him and everything, but-"

"Can we just nots talks about him?" Toki said finally. A worried look came across Pickles' face.

"But you love him. You'll always love him, and that's fine. We can talk about him if you want."

"Nos, you don't understand; I don't wants to talks about anyone or do anything that ams not with you or abouts you. I just wants to be with _you _tonight, not anybody or anythings else. Do you understands that?" he struggled to explain himself, and the more he spoke the worse his English became, but thankfully the drummer understood. In a moment Pickles had risen and scooped Toki up into his arms. He proceeded to carry the laughing Norwegian back to the Mordhaus.

"What the fucks ams you doing?"

"If I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna do it right, no half-assing it. You deserve better than that." He peered down at Toki and smiled at the way the light of the freshly awoken stars and crescent moon reflected from the crystal blueness of his eyes. "You deserve everything in the whole damn world. You deserve to _own _the whole fucking world."

"Only if you'll owns it with me." was his simple, childish response. Pickles chuckled and kissed his cheek, feeling a warm, bubbling feeling rising in the pit of his stomach—or his heart?

**: :: : :: ::: :::: : :: : :: ::: :::: ::: :: : :: :**

**Chapter 8, Part 3  
**_**The New Way**_

Pickles laid down on the bed next to Toki and let out a tired sigh. He stared up at the ceiling, pretending to ignore the Norwegian's perfect frame sprawled across the mattress next to him. "So, ams we going to-"

"Nope."

"Buts-"

"Ain't you ever just had one night when you laid down with someone and talked? Y'know, just hung out?"

He thought back and shook his head. "No, nevers. Things haves just happened so fast that I never really had time for any of that stuffs."

"But that is love, Toki." Pickles said, wrapping his arms around the guitarist and pulling him close. "When you can just stay up all night with someone, talk about the dumbest shit, and still find a reason for the other person to be perfect; that's love."

His face reddened as he let the drummer kiss his cheek delicately. "You thinks I ams perfect?"

"Yeah, I do."

"But _why?"_

Pickles smirked and ran his hands along the small of Toki's back comfortingly. "You're smile, I like that the most, 'cause it's like it makes your whole face just glow, especially your eyes. You've got such amazing eyes..." and his voice trailed off before he continued a bit more seriously, "You haven't been smiling a lot lately, though."

"Nows I am." he whispered, giving Pickles a sweet, charming smile. " 'Cause I likes making you happy."

"Then let me hold you for tonight and let's just talk, okay?"

"Okays." and he settled down in Pickles' arms and rested his head against the drummer's chest. He closed his eyes and tried to get that little grin off his face, but found that he couldn't. This was just too perfect.

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****A/N****

**Yay, they're finally together! How adorable. I don't know what it is, but I just love the idea of Pickles and Toki together...kind of odd. Anyways, only one more official chapter left. After that I might just finish up with a few more poems, but it's pretty much done. I wanted to finish up this story before I go on vacation tomorrow—3 days & 2 nights of family fun...with nobody **_**but my damn family...**_**Whoopee. The mental anguish is excruciating, trust me.-_- **

**When I get back I plan to start another Poki story called, **_**T W I S T E D. **_**For now I hope you've enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading and reviewing.**

**Peace & Love**


	12. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9, Part 1  
**_**Two Years Later**_

"Gad, it's freezing here!" Pickles complained, hugging himself. He walked thru the snow close to Toki, holding his hand tightly. "How the fuck did you grow up here?"

"It ams not so bad." he commented, easily making his way thru the snow. He had to end up nearly dragging the drummer along the last few yards over to where the marble cross stood tall and tranquil in the snow. Once he got there he stopped and glanced over at Pickles, a worried look on his face.

"This is it?" he asked, pulling Toki closer.

The Norwegian nodded and said quietly, "Ja, this ams it."

Though the engraving on the tombstone was in Norwegian, Pickles could still make out the name: _Danby Glemt. _He nudged Toki a little and asked in a low tone, "What's it all say?"

He took a deep breath and read aloud, "Danby Glemt, born August 7, 1987. Died December 6, 2003." he put the handful of wildflowers that he was holding down on the snowy ground in front of the stone. "This ams it." he repeated. Pickles gave him an encouraging little smile.

"S'a nice place, huh?"

"Ja, I guess."

"Nice flowers you gat him, too."

He nodded, his eyes filling with tears as he replied sorrowfully, "Ja, n-nice."

Pickles just squeezed Toki's hand and kissed his cheek. "I'm glad I you let me come. Thanks. This is really nice." he peered back down at the tombstone and dusted some of the snow off of it. "I bet he's happy you came back, that you didn't-"

"Forgets." Toki completed, wiping his eyes. "I could never forgets."

"Yeah, I know." the drummer took a step back from the stone."You want a minute alone, or-"

"Pickle!" was all he could exclaim before he was clinging to the drummer, hugging him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. They stood like that for a while, ignoring the snow as it began to fall anew. Neither one of them said another word until Toki dared to whisper in Pickles' ear, "I ams better now; I'm not that sad anymore, just sorrys that we weren't together longer. Can you understands that?"

"Yeah." he nodded and planted a kiss atop the guitarist's head. "I get it."

"But I still loves you. I've _always _loved you."

"Just like you've always loved him, huh?"

He shook his head. "Nos, I love you different. We've been thru more than me and Danby ever hads the time to be thru. I just ams with you and I knows...I knows it ams all going to be okay now, that I ams never going to get hurt like that again." and he slowly took a step away from the drummer, ending the tight embrace. "You ams not going to go nowhere?"

"Nope," he said, smiling solemnly. "nowhere that ain't with you."

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**Chapter 9, Part 2  
**_**Dusty Memories**_

Instead of renting a room at a hotel in Lillehammer, Toki had convinced his mother to take his father on a church trip to Oslo. It was better that way, he had decided, and besides that Pickles really did seem to want to experience everything he had lived thru while growing up. That was why even though it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do since leaving home, Toki walked with the drummer up the icy, wooden steps of his home, biting his lip in a sort of jittery silence.

As soon as he opened the front door and the stepped inside the threshold, all of his memories from his hellish childhood came racing back to him, but he tried to ignore them. Pickles didn't know how bad it had been, how bad it still was. The drummer sensed Toki's growing discomfort and, as he took a seat on the couch in front of the fireplace, he frowned.

"Dude, are you okay?"

The guitarist was standing in the open doorway, trembling from head to foot. Somehow he managed to nod and reply dully, "Ja, f-fines."

"Then why don't you close the door and sit down."

"Close the door?" his eyes glazed over at the memory of his father, at the thought of his horrible instructions and demands...g_o and be a good boy; close the door for me..._ A look of mixed confusion and fear came across Pickles' face. He got up and tried to hold Toki's hand, blushing when the Norwegian pulled away.

"Toki, what the hell's wrang with yo-"

"I don't wants to be here. I never wanteds to come back to this place." he blurted, shutting his eyes tightly against all the old horrors.

The drummer went and closed the door himself before saying, "Okay, no big deal. We'll rent a hotel if that's what you-"

"My dads would make me close the door..." he cut himself off and looked down at his boots, his face blazing with shame. He was dwelling in that old embarrassment, that old punishment as Pickles pulled him close and molded his lips against his; the kiss was just deep enough to pull Toki out of his delirium. "I...I..." he whispered as the kiss was ended. Pickles held the shaking, nearly crying Norwegian against him protectively.

"We'll go to a hotel. I'm sorry I ever asked you to do this. I should've know that it would be too much. I should've known..."

"It ams not your fault."

"But I knew what he did to you. We never should've come here." he glanced over at their suitcases, which sat by the doorway in a puddle of melted snow. "C'mon, we've still got enough time to-"

"Waits!" Toki cried, catching his arm as he walked away. His pale eyes shined as he asked, "You wants to see? You really wants to know what it was like?"

The drummer hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, sure, but only if you're ready to tell me."

He said bravely, "I'ms ready. Cans I show you my old room?"

They walked up the stairs together, both trying to think of being anywhere else that wasn't here. Toki knew it had to be done, though. The whole reason that they'd made this trip to Norway was because it was time for him to finish the healing process, to finally let go of all of that old hurt and move on with Pickles. The drummer had said that he'd propose to Toki soon, but before he did he wanted to get everything else out of the way. He wanted to make sure that the guitarist was emotionally stable enough. As they both made their way up those old, wooden stairs, the drummer's confidence in the guitarist was fading. Had this really been too much for Toki to handle? Pickles held his hand tightly like he'd done back at Danby's grave, but he knew that the Norwegian didn't notice. He was off on his own now, completely oblivious to the world around him outside of his painful memories.

"This ams was my room." he said, opening the first door that they came to upstairs. Pickles glanced inside and shrugged.

"Don't seem 'dat bad. Kinda nice, I guess." and he paused before asking, "We can sleep in here tonight?"

"Sures." he said numbly, taking a careful step inside his old bedroom. He looked around, his face totally emotionless. "I hates it here."

"We don't gotta—"

"I woulds always hide up here after I did somethings wrong." he continued, smiling a little at the memory. Pickles went over and sat on the edge of the bed, looked down at the floor.

"You hid a lot?"

Toki nodded and took a seat next to him. "Buts my dad would finds me and—my moms screamed a lot. I remembers that. I remembers that really good." and his smile faded as he added in a timidly quivering voice, "I hateds it."

"But all that's gone." the drummer said, laying back on the squeaky mattress loftily. "Now you're with me and your dad ain't here and neither is your mother; it's just us, and I'm not gonna let none of that crap happen again."

"So you don'ts think that I deserved to be punished?" his pale eyes shined in the dim light of the room. Pickles shook his head."Course I don't think so."

"So I ams good?"

"Good enough for me." he said with a smile. "Good enough for me."

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**Chapter 9, Part 3  
**_**The Final Goodbye**_

That night as Toki slept peacefully in his old bed, snuggled in Pickles' arms, he had a very strange dream. He was standing out in the woods, where he and Danby used to go after school and pick wildflowers. Snow fell around him in gentle white flecks, but when they hit they ground they immediately melted into nothingness, as if they passed thru the dark, leaf-covered earth completely. Toki frowned and looked up at the trees and the cloudy gray sky that rolled above him. Why was he here? Hadn't this been the place where—the sound of crunching leaves came to him, echoing thru the gray bleakness of the forest. He looked back over his shoulder and let out a dry sob at who he saw standing there.

Danby smiled over at him, his stormy eyes shining beneath his mess of dark brown hair. "Toki," he said warmly. "I've missed you, love."

Toki went over to him, taking deliberately slow steps. "You're..."

"Here."

"To tell me that I've forgotten about you again?"

Danby's smile didn't fade as he shook his head. "Nope, just to tell you that it's okay."

Toki arched a brow. _"What's _okay?"

"Everything."

Yes, that was his love. He wasn't at all like the last dream-Danby, the one with the cold smile who had hurt him so badly. Without further hesitation, Toki ran to him and launched himself into the teenager's open arms. Danby just laughed and hugged him affectionately. "I miss you." he said cheerfully. "And I think you've missed me, right?"

"Of course I have."

"A little _too _much, if I guess right."

Toki ended the embrace. "What do you mean? If anything you should be mad at me; I haven't remembered _enough. _I've-"

"You think you've 'replaced' me, don't you?" Danby asked, putting his hands behind his back. The Norwegian nodded.

"Yeah, I guess. I've been bad and I'm sorry." he looked down and sighed heavily, his breath making a cloud of white vapor in the cold air. "I guess you hate me now, huh? I deserve it, though."

The other man just laughed and kissed Toki's cheek tenderly. "Of course I'm not mad, you idiot. I'm happy that you're finally...you deserve him." he said with a little difficulty. And Danby began nodding, as if trying to reassure himself that what he was saying was true. Toki really wasn't his anymore. "I want you so bad, but you deserve _him."_

Toki just shook his head, stared right into the ghost's eyes. "No, I-"

"Listen to me." Danby said firmly. "I want you to go and be with him and marry him when he asks you—you do know that he's planning to ask you right as soon as you get back home, right?"

"He is?" his whole body quivered with excitement as he repeated, "He's really going to do it?"

"See? You're happy. I like that." and he grinned and leaned in to kiss Toki again, but stopped himself. "You're not mine anymore..." and he frowned and said in a low voice, "This is harder than I thought...his name is Pickles, huh?" he asked this with almost a sorrowful inflection to his voice. "I saw him when you two came to visit me today. He's cute. I like his hair. It's red, right? Never seen that before on anyone. No one in Lillehammer has red hair; he doesn't look like that other idiot at all."

Toki reached for Danby's hand and asked quietly, "What idiot?"

"The blond Swede. I hated him."

"How do you now about-"

"Toki, listen to me. I didn't come here to tell you what to do, only to say that I'm not angry at you, not at all."

His mouth fell open. "You're not?"

Danby shook his head. "Of course I'm not! I came tonight because I wanted you to know that. Do you understand?" when Toki said nothing and made no movement, he leaned forward, kissed him one last time on the lips, and asked in a whisper, "Do you understand? You have to wake up now, wake up forever from this stupid dream. You have to go and live and be happy."

"But I-"

"Goodbye, Toki. I really did—_do _love you."

"No, wait! Don't make me go away! Don't make me wake up!" he exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Danby's waist. "I'm not ready!"

"Let go of me, Toki." he said, gently trying to pry the weeping Norwegian away from him. "Just let me go, darling."

"But you said you'd never leave me! You said-"

"I really would've married you, you know." he murmured, running a careful hand thru Toki's long hair. "I would've done anything for you, even gone away with my parents to save yourself a few beatings from your dad."

Toki looked up at him, his eyes leaking tears. "You _chose _to go?"

"Yeah, so you wouldn't get hurt." Danby said, pressing a hand to the other man's cheek. "I'm sorry I did that now, but if I hadn't you wouldn't be famous. You'd still be in Norway working yourself to death for your stupid dad. I never imagined that I'd die over it, but I guess I don't regret it. You're happy now, finally smiling again. I used to _have_ to make you smile. Do you remember that? Now Pickles does it, so I guess I can't complain. I guess it's for the best..." his voice trailed off as he stepped away from Toki. "It's time to wake up now, love. Just wake up, please."

"Please don't make me! Please don't..."

"I love you, darling, but you've got to wake up. _Now."_

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**Chapter 9, Part 4  
**_**Wildflower**_

"Pickle!" he gasped as he awoke, shaking and panting. The drummer jumped at the sound of his name and opened his eyes. He looked around wildly.

"Huh? What the fuck, Toki?" he ran his hands along the guitarist's quaking frame, tried so very hard to bring him some small amount of comfort. "You okay? Why'd you wake me?"

"I...I hads a dream." he breathed, feeling his whole body grow tense with anticipation. He half expected Danby to walk thru the bedroom door, but knew he wouldn't. Finally, after a whole crushing minute of silence, he returned his attention to Pickles and whispered, feeling his face grow hot, "Pickle, what ams it mean if...what happens to us after we die? Do we just stays in the place where we used to live or gos away to some other place?"

"I...uh..." he shrugged. "Honestly I have no clue. Why? Is it about-"

"I loves you so much, Pickle." Toki said suddenly, his pale eyes glowing with affection. He huddled closer to the drummer and pulled the covers up over him a little further. With an unusual amount of tenderness, he put some of the drummer's red hair behind his ears and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah," he said almost hoarsely, a little shocked at this sudden display of emotion. "y-you two."

"And you knows what?"

"Huh?"

Toki now gifted him with a full, passionate kiss on the lips. "It ams okay."

Pickles arched a brow and smirked. "What's okay?" He didn't answer this question; instead he rose up out of the bed and walked over to the window. What he saw there made him begin to laugh madly. Pickles sat up in the bed and frowned. "What's so funny? Toki, are you okay? You're acting weird."

"Looks!" he exclaimed, taking something off the windowsill. "Looks at what it ams!" in his hand he held a bunch of wildflowers. "He likes you, Pickle." he said, handing the drummer a bright, blooming flower. "We ams so good for each other, you know. You makes me so fuckings happy."

" 'Kay." he said, staring at Toki oddly. "Thanks, I guess." he glanced back over at the windowsill and scratched his head in curiosity. "Didn't I close the damn window? I swear I did...who would've climbed two fuckin' stories just to-"

"Do I makes you happy?"

"Course you do, but what're you talkin' abou-"

"Then afters all of this shit ams over, we shoulds dos it—we shoulds get married!"

Pickles turned red and nervously began twisting the stem of the flower around his index finger. "I...yeah, o-of course we can."

"We shoulds dos it right as soon as we gets home!" he blurted joyously, placing the flowers on the little table beside the bed. He climbed into the warm covers and snuggled against Pickles. "And when we gets home we can picks lots of wildflowers, right? And I can teach you more songs ands Norwegian and-"

"Yeah, Toki." he said, grinning at the guitarist's sudden enthusiasm. "We can do all that, but first let's just get thru this night, okay? Let's just go back to sleep."

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****A/N****

**Yes, that's it. I hope you enjoyed the story. Remember that reviews are welcome and all that good crap, so yeah...more Pickles/Toki stories coming up soon. I hope you'll read them.**

**Peace & Love**


	13. Remember Me

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Remember Me**_**) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_I don't know what to do_  
_Remind me please_  
_Remind me that I'm alive_  
_Teach me to survive_

_Keep me on the ground_  
_Remind me that I'm found_  
_Tell me you're in love_  
_Say I'm the one you dream of_  
_Let me know I'm fine_  
_Help to keep me in line_  
_Please just let me know I'm okay_  
_Help me see past today_  
_Don't let me just forget_  
_Don't let me surrender and quit_  
_Will you help me_  
_Get past this misery_  
_When it's over and thru_  
_What will you do_

_I won't ask for much_  
_Just remember me please_  
_Remind me that I'm alive_  
_Teach me to survive_


	14. Father's Lessons

**:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: (**_**Father's Lessons**_**) :: : :: : ::: :: : ::**

**by the Last Flowerchild**

_Father, my father, teach me to love  
Teach my heart to be pure and good  
Teach me all the things you should_

_Father, my father, tell me that old tale  
Tell me the tale of how the Earth was born  
Out of white snow and dead thorn_

_Father, my father, teach me something new  
Teach me everything you know  
Teach me to be rich and grow_


End file.
